Forever With You
by animelover4242564
Summary: Why did he leave me and Feliciano? What did Nonno think would happen? What if I ended up being beat by a man that I would later fall in love with? (I don't own Hetalia. It'd be cool if I did. Rated M for later chapters, language, and whatever else you find.)
1. Chapter 1

_**~ "Keep running Feli! Protect him Lovi!" he called. Rome was broken out in war, and we were struggling to break free from it all. Nonno was keeping them away from us. "Keep running, and don't you ever look back! If I don't make it, remember everything I taught you. Remember me, and remember to keep each other close."**_

_**"Nonno!" Feliciano yelled back.**_

_**"Dumbass! He told us to keep going! Let's go!" I snapped to my twin brother. ~**_

We never did look back, but I was reminded of what happened every night when I closed my eyes. Most of the time, I never slept. We were found, at the age of six, by the country of Austria, and also Hungary. We lived with them now, and we were their maids. We were in charge of cleaning and cooking and making sure everyone was happy.

"I miss him fratellone," my twin whispered to me. I nodded, and went back to watching him clean. I did my best, but I only seemed to make bigger messes when I tried to clean, so most of the time, I cooked. I overheard the Austrian and Hungarian bastards talking about how France and Spain were in a battle over the Southern half of Italy: me. Fuck them, I didn't need anyone.

Spain came out the victor, and he showed up to Austria's house. That was the day I was separated from Feliciano, my other half. I told him goodbye and to take good care of himself, and I grabbed what little belongings I had, and left with Spain.

Spain was a creepy man. He seemed pissed off at the whole entire fucking world. I didn't like him, not at all. I could tell my time living him wasn't going to be fun. But I guess I would have to deal with it. Spain is a pirate, so he's gone most of the time. That's what I came to learn. Most of the time, I spent months alone in Spain's house, trying to remember every turn in the mansion.

This time around, Spain has been gone for three months. I cleaned, and tried my best to get better at it. The last time he came home to a dirty house, well, why don't you just ask the scar on my stomach? Or the other nightmares I get? He was mad, and he threw a flower vase, and it broke on my stomach, and the glass somehow cut me, and left a scar all the way across my stomach. The wound took forever to heal, and now there's a scar in its place.

"That stupid idiota! Spanish bastardo! He should just die already!" I yelled.

"Why should I? I love being here, and alive. Romano, why don't you go get the belt?" Spain said from behind me. When the fuck did he get back?! Oh, right, he also occasionally beat me. He beat my back bloody.

"Please, don't," I pleaded with him. I'm eleven now, in case you were wondering. And I guess Spain isn't as bad as he was when I first moved in. That and he fucked every single nation he came across. The sounds echoed through this house, and there wasn't anywhere I could be that I couldn't hear that.

"Oh, I"m going to," he said taking my hand. He led me through the house to what he called the "beating room". I hated this room. This house. This country. This man. I hated everything. I was ficking sick of it all.

"Why? What made you so fucking evil?" I snapped. I yelped as a hand made contact with my face.

"Don't talk to me like that!" he yelled. I saw fear in his eyes then, and it clicked in my head. He was beat. He was yelled at….wasn't he? He was given all the same punishments as me when he was growing up, wasn't he?

"I understand now," I started, cautiously stepping to him, "you were beat...weren't you? Your father or someone did all of this to you too...didn't they? I understand Spain, I understand." I took one of his hands in both of my small ones. "You can tell me you know. I won't judge you. Maybe then I'll share my past and physical and mental scars with you too," I said looking at the shocked expression on Spain's face, and mentally cursing myself for being so nice. Just like Spain, I was becoming more soft. Did it have to do with that tomato bastard?

"Y-you won't judge me? No matter how violent I am/was growing up? You'll understand? You won't leave this house if you know? How do I know if I can trust you or not?" Spain asked, looking at me now, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

"Why would I? I don't exactly have anywhere else to go. And it's not my place to judge people. And of course you can trust me. I want you to try and change. If not for yourself, then do it...for me," I said turning away from him.

"Romano," Spain said. I heard movement behind me, and then two arms wrapped around my body. His sobs started echoing around us, and I placed my hands on his.

"It's okay Spain, I'm here," I said. His arms gently squeezed me a little harder, and I turned around so his head was on my chest.

"Romano? I think I will...tell you. Everything. But you have to tell me too, okay?" Spain asked.

"Okay, I will. Now, how about I go make us something to eat? Something with...tomatoes?" I said. Spain looked up at me, and a huge smile broke out across his face. And that was the first time Spain smiled at me, and touched me without hurting me. His eyes glew, the emerald orbs shining with tears that were too stubborn to fall. Is this what it felt like to be shown kindness? Or to give it? Or to feel love from another for yourself and not your twin brother?

"Tomatoes sound really good Romano!" Spain said, leading us both back to the kitchen.

"I know that bastard," I said, not being able to keep the tiny smile off my face.

"Why do you have such a foul mouth Romano?" Spain asked me. I contemplated the answer I would give him, and I started slicing the freshly picked and washed tomatoes.

"I just...I don't know exactly. I do know, however, that I didn't use to talk like this. I never did, until people accepted my twin brother more than they did me, even though we're twins," I said, getting out a frying pan.

"People accept Feliciano more than you? Why?" Spain asked. I turned and looked at him, then turned and put a little olive oil in the pan.

"You remembered his name, I'm surprised. You didn't seem to be the kind to remember faces and names. But everyone liked my brother more because he's more talented than I am," I said setting tomato slices in the now hot oil. I sprinkled pepper and salt on them, and threw in chopped garlic.

"I think you're talented Romano. I don't really know Feliciano, but I have a strange feeling that I wouldn't like him," Spain said watching me carefully. I decided to grab some bacon, because it sounded good, and I was cooking it in another pan.

"You might like him, he's a nice person. I kinda miss him," I said shutting off the burner and going to the other one.

"Oh, I almost forgot I took you away from him. Lo siento, Romano," Spain said looking at the ground.

"It's fine dammit," I said bringing a couple of the sandwiches to him.

"I have a question Romano," Spain said after I brought us both a glass of water.

"What is it?" I asked.

"What's your name?" he asked looking up from his plate.

"It's Romano, and you knew that bastardo," I said glaring at him.

"No, no, no. Romano, what's your human name?" Spain asked me.

"Do I have to tell you?" I asked/snapped back at him.

"Si," he said.

"Ugg! Why do I have to tell you?" I asked turning away from him.

"Because," Spain said.

"Give me one good reason to give it to you," I said taking a bite of the sandwich in front of me.

"So I can actually treat you like a person and not just the personification of South Italy that you are," he said finishing off his sandwich.

"What? No!" I yelled at him.

"What? Why not?" Spain asked me.

"I don't fucking know!" I yelled again, my face flushing.

"Romano, why do you look like a tomato?" Spain asked placing a hand on my forehead.

"I don't! Shut up dammit!" I yelled getting up from the table and putting my dishes in the sink and walking out and up the stairs to the balcony I discovered a few weeks ago. I opened and shut the door quietly so Spain wouldn't know where I was. I rushed out into the cool Autumn air, and took a few deep breaths.

I couldn't be. I refused to believe it. I can't be. I can't fall in love with Spain. That's just not right. He's like a father to me! You aren't supposed to fall in love with your father! Hell, you're not supposed to like guys if you are one! I like girls dammit! What the fuck is going on?!

There was a slight knock on the door, and I turned in time to watch the handle turn slowly and the door was pushed open carefully. "Romano?" Spain called out.

"What do you want dammit?" I asked him, leaning against the railing on the balcony.

"Are you okay? Are you mad at me for what I asked?" Spain asked me, coming to join me.

"I'm not mad at you dammit. Stupid idiota. I'm mad at myself. And don't you dare ask what for! I won't tell you!" I said turning to look at Spain's bright, deep, emerald green eyes.

"Oh, okay," he said.

"So, what happened to you...when you were younger?" I asked him after turning away.

"Right, that. Well, my "father"-(yes, he actually air quoted that)-beat me. For everything. Even if it wasn't my fault," Spain said.

"Why?" I asked turning to face him once again.

"I don't really know," Spain started, "even if it was one of my brothers who did something, I still got beat for it. I ran away a few times, but he always hunted me down, and beat me some more. He used different items to beat me, but his favorite was a whip. It caused a lot more damage and pain."

I looked at Spain, and he continued.

"He also yelled at me for everything, and I tried to help my mother with a lot of stuff, but again he'd yell and beat me. He even hit my mom. I don't know why, but that just made me the same way. I don't know why I ever acted that way to you," Spain said breaking down into tears. I walked over to him, and put my arms around his waist, since I was still short, for an eleven year old. "Romano?" Spain asked.

"I'm not mad at you, for anything you've done to me. I know I should be, but in a way I think I deserved it. That's how I see it anyway," I confessed to the broken Spaniard.

"You definitely didn't deserve any of it Romano. You didn't," Spain said tightening his grip on me.

"You sure about that bastard?" I asked.

"Why? Did you deserve it?" he asked me. At that moment, I let go of him and walked over to the opposite side of the balcony.

"I never knew my parents. I only know my nonno," I said turning to look out at the sky.

"Nonno is Italian for grandfather right?" Spain asked me.

"Yes. But anyway, it was just me, Feli, and Nonno. Back in that time, Nonno was teaching Feli and I about different languages, different cultures. By the time I was three in human years, I knew how to speak every language, and art was a passion. But no matter what I did, Feli was still better. Nonno favored him, and I just grew up a lonely child," I said sitting down on the floor of the balcony.

"So that must mean you have trust issues and find it hard to accept people yourself," Spain said looking at me. I nodded and continued.

"I would get into fights with Feli all the time because of it, and Nonno always yelled at me. He never beat me, but it was still hurtful. That damn bastard also decided to go and make himself the strongest empire. The last time I saw Nonno, Feli and I were told to run for our lives and never look back," I said trying to fight not to cry.

"That was around the time the Roman Empire disappeared. So you never saw him again. Lo siento. That must be terrible," Spain said.

"Not really. I mean I loved my grandfather, but I just don't like the fact that he didn't treat me and Feli the same. We are twins, there's not that much of a difference between us," I said wiping more tears from my face.

"What happened after you ran?" Spain asked.

"We were lost for a while, and then Austria found us. He took us back to his house, where we met the Holy Roman Empire and Hungary. Living with Austria proved again that people favored Feli. Holy Rome fell in love with him, Hungary drooled over him, and Austria was happy to have someone who could work," I said hugging my knees to my chest. I completely forgot I was in a dress. I still questioned why I was still in fucking dresses too. I'm eleven dammit!

"And then?" Spain asked, still standing in the same spot he started in. He hadn't looked at me once while I was explaining this to him.

"And then you won sovereignty of me, and you came and took me from Austria's house and away from the only family I had left. When I came here, Belgium taught me how to clean right and she taught me how to make a lot of stuff, and she told me what would make you happy," I said feeling my face flush. Now was the only time Spain had decided to look at me.

"Femke taught you how to make me happy? She must have really hated me when I beat you," Spain said dropping his head.

"She never really spoke to me about what was going on with me, but every now and then she treated my wounds and let me sleep in her room," I said.

"And then she became independent," Spain finished.

"Yep. And then I was left with you, and I knew how to treat my wounds, but I could never reach, so I hoped like hell none of them would become infected," I said. At that moment, Spain was in front of my face. He reached down and pulled me up. I felt it as he twisted me around by my hips and tore the dress off of me. I could tell he was curious about my wounds.

"Your back Romano," Spain whispered. I could tell he was holding back a sob.

"Full of battlescars," I said kneeling to the ground, "most of them are still sore, but a lot have scarred."

"Lo siento...lo siento mucho Lovino," Spain said now crying behind me.

"Va tutto bene. Ti perdono, per tutto. Per favore mi guardi, io ti perdono Spain," I said, not knowing if he would understand or not. Judging by the look on his face, he was clueless.

"What?" he asked.

"It's not important," I said wincing as the breeze came again and washed cool air over the open cuts on my back. Spain then picked me up and started walking back into the house. I decided not to fight his control, and just held on to him, out of fear of being dropped. He took me into his room and straight to his bathroom. He started running water in the tub and then walked out. He walked back in with what looked like an old shirt of his, and a pair of my underwear. That bastard was in my room.

"Get into the water Romano," Spain said taking his shirt off, and then I noticed he had more clothes there, and then it dawned on me that we were about to bathe together.

"O-okay," I stuttered, removing what was left of the dress I had on and my undergarments. I then stepped into the tub, and sat down in the burning water. Spain followed shortly after.

"The first thing I want to do is wash your wounds. If it gets to be too much pain, just let me know, and I can stop," Spain said getting a washcloth ready with some soap. He then carefully started rubbing my wounds. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, until he hit the middle of my back.

"O-oh god!" I yelled, "please stop!" I said now slightly crying. Spain's arms then wrapped around my tiny sobbing frame.

"L-lo s-siento," Spain choked out.

"Give my your hand," I said. Spain reached out his other hand and I grabbed it. "Okay, you can continue now," I said making sure I had a firm grip of his hand.

"I'll try to be a little more careful," he said. He started washing the spot on the middle of my back again, and I firmly gripped his hand, for the support. He squeezed back slightly, and moved on.

Around an hour later, Spain was wrapping bandages around my back to cover my wounds. As soon as he was done, I pulled the old shirt over my head and told Spain good night then headed to my room. I layed down and thought about what had gone on that day. If you can remember me telling you, I don't sleep very good. I keep having nightmares about my nonno and Spain. After deciding I wasn't going to get any sleep, I headed for the balcony down the hall. "Why couldn't I tell Spain my real name? What was stopping me?" I asked myself, and the night air.

"I was wondering the same thing," I heard from behind me, "you should really wear a shirt out here, it's cold," Spain finished putting a blanket around my body.

"Grazie," I said turning to Spain. He was looking down at me smiling.

"So, what's up Romano?" Spain asked.

"Can't sleep," I said, turning back to the night sky.

"Why?" Spain said, now talking in a smaller voice.

"Nightmares. They won't stop," I said wiping my cheek.

"What about?" Spain asked coming a little closer.

"You, Feliciano, and Nonno," I said now crying harder than before. Spain took he in his arms and started whispering Spanish in to my ear, calming me down.

"Sleep with me tonight Romano," Spain said grabbing my hand and dragging me back into the house. I followed, too tired to care about it. Spain and I entered his room, and he shut the doors behind us. He lead us over to his giant bed,(I'm not kidding, that thing is huge!), and helped me into one side. He got in on the other side, and took my hand. After a little while, I looked at Spain's face, and saw his calm, sleepy emerald green eyes watching me in curiosity.

"My name is Lovino," I whispered, right before Spain fell asleep. And I never did have a better night sleep.


	2. Chapter 2: A Day to Remember

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in Spain's bed. I blinked a couple times, then rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes, and sat up on his bed. I continue to rub my eyes, and then I heard a door open. I looked up and saw Spain walking out of the bathroom, in only a towel. "Ah! Good morning Romano!" Spain said walking over to his closet.

"Yeah...good morning," I mumbled. I let myself fall back onto the pillows and listened as Spain got dressed, and then he came over to my side of the bed and knelt down. He placed a hand on my forehead, and smiled slightly.

"You're running a fever Romano. You should really stay in bed," he said moving his hand down to my cheek.

"I'm fine dammit," I said, sitting up slightly.

"Romano please, stay," he pleaded.

"Can't I just stay on the couch downstairs?" I said now actually feeling the effects of my fever.

"Sure," Spain said as he grabbed me, the blanket, and a pillow and started heading for the door of his room. "I think a couple of the cuts on your back is infected," Spain said, sounding slightly worried, "I should call your doctor."

My doctor. Huh, that's funny. I don't remember ever having a doctor. "What doctor?" I asked Spain, now looking at his face.

"Your personal doctor Romano. You and Feliciano share a doctor. And as soon as you're old enough, you will become independent and then you will know about a lot of things that come with being a country," Spain said.

"O-oh," I said. Spain carefully made his way down the stairs and set me carefully on the couch and then started to walk away, but I reached out and grabbed his shirt.

"What's wrong Romano?" he asked looking back behind his shoulders at me.

"C-could you b-bring m-me an ice thingy?" I asked him.

"An ice thingy Romano?" Spain asked suppressing a laugh.

"You know what I mean dammit!" I said my face flushing and standing up. Which, was a mistake I might add. I immediately got a major case of whiplash and then I fell, and hit my head hard, and I don't remember anything after that.

"He's in here Doctor," I heard a voice say.

"What happened to him Mr. Spain?" I heard another voice, only this one was lighter and more, well, feminine.

"He...I think he has an infection, and he fell ill with a fever and he fell a few hours ago and hit his head," There was something familiar about that voice, but I couldn't remember.

"How bad?" the female asked.

"Pretty bad," the male replied. And then there were two people standing in front of me, and I couldn't place who they were.

"Where is this infection you were talking about Mr. Spain?" the female asked man standing next to her. Spain...it sounded familiar, but I can't remember.

"It's on his back," the tan man, Spain I guess, said.

"Okay I'm going to have to take those band-aids off of him to check," the doctor lady said. She started coming to me, and then realized I was awake.

"Hello Mr. South Italy. I'm Dr. Smith, and it's a pleasure to meet you finally," the doctor lady said holding a hand out to me.

"Um...yeah...hi," I said putting my hand in her's.

"Do you know where you are Mr. South Italy?" she asked me. Then it dawned on me...I really didn't know. I shook my head, and then looked at the tall man standing a little away. I saw what looked like a pained expression cross his face. He noticed me looking at him, and turned and walked out of the room.

"Who was that?" I asked Dr. Smith.

"That was your caretaker, Spain," she replied.

"O-oh, I didn't remember," I said looking at her.

"It would seem you got a concussion from falling, do you remember that?" the doctor asked.

"No, I just remember waking up and seeing you and that Spain guy," I said looking at her.

"Okay. Your concussion isn't to bad so you should get your memories back either later tonight or early tomorrow. I need to look at your back is that okay?" she asked me. I nodded and started removing the bandages from my back.

"Do you remember what happened to your back?" she asked.

"I fell and hurt it," I told her. I somehow felt that that answer was wrong, but the loss of my memories and the tiny pain in my heart said I should go with what now feels like a lie.

"It's not infected, but you will have to clean it everyday until it gets better. There's going to be a lot of scarring, but it will heal completely," the doctor started, "is it okay if I have Spain hold ice on it for a while?" she asked.

"Um...sure," I said.

"Okay. Well after that I'm going to be leaving. There's nothing else that needs to be taken care of. It was nice meeting you Mr. South Italy," she said with a smile as she walked toward the door.

"You too Dr. Smith," I said smiling to her. After she left, I heard talking in the kitchen and then that Spain guy came back into the living room I was in. He was carrying ice, and I'm guessing some was for my head too.

"Ah...um...hi Romano," the Spanish guy said.

"Uh...hi," I said back.

"So, the doctor said I should hold ice on your back, and she told me to ice your head too," the Spanish guy said coming over to me.

"Um..okay. I'll, just lay here then," I said moving the blanket and setting the pillow in a better position. I layed down on the couch and rested my head on the pillow.

"Okay," he said. He walked over by me and set a brough the table-thingy closer to the couch and sat on it and put the ice on my back. He then set the other ice on my head and grabbed my hand and put it on top of the ice.

"So, you're Spain then? Is that right?" I asked.

"Yes Romano. I'm Spain," the Spanish man said from somewhere next to me.

"The last thing I remember is waking up. I'm sorry I don't remember you," I said. I felt my heart swell in pain and soon tears were threatening to fall. Why didn't not remembering this man hurt so much?

"It's okay. The doctor said you would get your memories back soon. I have a question if that's okay," Spain said.

"W-what is it?" I asked him.

"Why did you lie to Dr. Smith? I know you don't have your own mind right now, but you didn't fall and hurt your back," Spain said sounding sad.

"I-it felt like the right thing to say so I went with it," I replied.

"Romano, I did that to you," Spain said.

"Oh. You did?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he said. Everything got quiet again after that and it was one of those uncomfortable silences.

"So...I'm kinda hungry," I then said, cursing myself for sounding so stupid.

"That's understandable. You haven't eaten since last night," Spain said.

"I see," I said, again stupidly.

"Do you want me to make you some pasta Romano?" Spain asked me.

"Sure, but...um...I don't remember how to eat," I said turning my flushed (why?) face away from Spain.

"I'll show you," Spain said, and after, he left the room. It was a good twenty minutes later when Spain stumbled through the door holding plates and cups. He brought them over to the table and then sat down on the floor in front of me. "Open your mouth," he said putting some food on a sharp looking thing.

"Um...okay," I said. So I opened my mouth and Spain put the sharp thingy in it and told me to take the food off of it. I did, and then started chewing. This went on until I was finished with the plate that was mine, and then Spain ate his. I watched as he ate, and tried to remember everything. It was starting to come back to me, so I was feeling better about that.

"Are you okay Romano?" Spain asked me, snapping me back to reality.

"What? Oh yeah, I'm fine," I said taking the ice off my head.

"Do you want me to take the ice off your back to?" Spain asked.

"No, it's just my head feels better. My back is good too, but the ice feels nice," I said looking into his emerald eyes.

"Okay," he said going back to eating. Actually, to be honest, my memories came back about an hour ago, but I wanted to play this out, and see how long it would take Spain to figure it out. So I just sat there, well, layed there. And then Spain finished and took the dishes back to the kitchen. "I think we should clean your wounds again," Spain said looking down at me when he got back.

"Again?" I asked.

"Oh...right...yeah we took a bath together last night and I cleaned them," Spain said turning his head away.

"Oh. Okay," I said rubbing my eyes.

"I'll go get a washcloth and soap, some peroxide, some ointment, and some more bandages. Be right back Romano!" Spain said rushing off up the stairs. I can't believe I fell because of that bastard. All because I said ice-thingy and not ice pack. That's just fucking stupid.

"Does he remember?" I asked myself quietly.

"Does who remember what Romano?" Spain asked now back in the room.

"N-nothing," I said.

"Okay. Now, this is going to hurt. I'll start with the soap and water, then clean with the peroxide, then put the ointment on and bandage you up," Spain said taking the ice off my back.

"O-okay," I said, taking Spain's unbusy hand. I looked back at him slightly, and saw he was a little flushed. He put the washcloth on the top of my back, and started washing the open wounds. When he hit that damn spot again, I fucking yelped like a kicked dog. It hurt a lot worse today than it did last night.

"S-stop for a second," I said feeling the tears slid down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry Romano," Spain said.

"Quit apologizing to me for stupid things Spain," I said holding his hand a bit tighter.

"Romano?" Spain said.

"You stupid idiota," I said squeezing his hand.

"Is it okay to continue now Romano?" Spain asked.

"Yeah," I said. Maybe I should tell him. I should tell him. "Hey Spain?" I asked out.

"Yes Romano?" Spain asked in return.

"I remember. My memories came back around an hour ago," I said hiding my flushed face.

"They did?" Spain asked while continuing to wash my back.

"Yeah," I replied.

"You had your memories when I fed you?" he asked me.

"Yeah, I did," I said

"Is it because you were laying down that you had me feed you?" Spain asked me, now getting ready to pour peroxide over my wounds.

"Um...yeah...s-something like t-that dammit," I said gripping his hand in preparation.

"This is really going to hurt Romano," SPain started, "so try to stay calm." I nodded, and waited for him to start dumping peroxide on me. I started hissing, growling, and yelling out in pain as soon as Spain did pour the peroxide on me. I squeezed his hand so hard I thought he would yell at me for it, but he just ended up squeezing back.

"P-please s-s-stop," I mumbled through sobs.

"Romano, just focus on my hand. This has to be done or it will get infected and then it will take longer to heal," Spain softly said to me.

"I-I'm trying to dammit! I-it just h-hurts too much," I said still sobbing.

"Lovino. Calm down," Spain said. And with that I snapped my head around and looked at Spain.

"You heard me last night?" I asked him.

"Yes. I was just too tired to stay away though. I wanted to compliment your name," Spain said giving me a small smile. At that moment I forgot about the pain coming from the constant cleaning of peroxide, and melted into the feeling that fill my heart and mind after Spain said my name. Wait-what was I doing dammit? What the hell! I felt my face grow hot and I turned away from Spain, hoping he wouldn't see. I think, I'm falling for Spain...but I would never tell the Spanish bastardo that! Fuck him! He doesn't need to know!

After Spain finished with the peroxide, he started rubbing ointment on my wounds. It hurt and was a little cold, but my back was finally starting to feel better. He bandaged me up, and then I stood up to stretch my legs out. "I'm going to go for a walk outside Spain. Don't wait up for me. Go get some sleep. Oh and….um...well...thank you," I said turning to walk to the door.

"You're welcome Lovino. Good night, and don't be out too long," Spain said as I shut the door. I took in a few breaths of air, and tried to calm my nerves. Spain saying my name like that. I definitely would never get used to that. The way I felt, it wasn't a bad thing, but it was confusing. I thought I liked girls, but maybe not. _I NEED TO STOP TALKING LIKE THIS! I DO LIKE GIRLS DAMMIT! I DEFINITELY DON'T LIKE SPANISH GUYS! I DON'T LIKE SPAIN! I'M NOT FALLING FOR HIM!_ **I need to calm down.** I started walking to the garden Spain kept in the back of his house. I looked up at the balcony, and remembered the events that happened last night. I turned back the the tomatoes and looked for a ripe one. Once I found one, I took it over and washed it off at the hose, and I took a bite of it. Fresh tomatoes from Spain's garden are the best. I was lost in thought and then I snapped back when I heard the doors to the balcony open. "I figured you'd be there Lovino," I heard Spain call out. I turned and looked up and the smiling Spaniard. He waved to me, and then leaned over the railing.

"Want one?" I asked motioning to the tomato plants.

"Sure! Are they good?" he asked me and nodded at the one in my hand.

"Yeah, they are," I said bending down and picking another tomato while taking a bite of mine. I took the other one over and washed it off then walked toward the balcony. "Catch," I yelled up to Spain. He got ready, and I tossed it up to him. He caught it and brought in to his lips and took a bite. I heard him moan, which meant he liked it.

"They are good," Spain agreed taking yet another bite.

"Told you bastard," I said.

"Lovino, will you sleep with me again?" Spain asked a few minutes later.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because it seems you sleep better when you're with me," Spain said looking down at me. I made my way to the front door and let myself back in. I headed for the stairs and started going up them. When I got about halfway, I looked up and was greeted with the sight of Spain. "Hello there Lovino," Spain said as he reached a hand out. When I finished climbing the stairs I swatted his hand away and walked to my room and shut the door. I changed into Spain's old T-shirt again, and I waited to see what Spain would do. I heard footsteps coming toward my door. "Lovino?" Spain asked softly through the door.

I waited a bit and I heard his muffled chuckle. "Yes I'm doing this on purpose, bastard," I said, while holding a small grin on my face.

"I kinda figured that Lovino," Spain said.

"Yeah," I said opening the door. I saw the life return to Spain's eyes and he smiled at me. I couldn't help but blush like a fucking idiot and turned my face away from him. He took my hand and led us to his room. We made our way to his bed and got settled in. Spain once again grabbed my hand and settled down further into the blankets and sheets. He sighed happily and smiled over to me. "So, what's your human name?" I asked him after a while.

"Mine? Why do you want to know?" Spain asked while looking at me questioningly.

"Well, if you're going to call me Lovino, then I should know your human name in case I grow to be nice enough to actually call you by it," I said gazing slightly in his direction.

"Well that does make a lot of sense Lovi," Spain said.

"I know it does dammit! And who the fuck is Lovi?" I asked.

"Well, you are," Spain said.

"Don't call me Lovi. What the hell am I? A girl?" I asked him.

"You're too pretty to be a girl Lovi," Spain said. At that moment I let go of his hand and turned to face the other way, so Spain wouldn't see how bad I was blushing. "You look like a tomato when you're blushing like that," Spain then said. I turned to shoot daggers at him, but when I turned Spain hugged me. It caught me off guard, and I struggled trying to free myself from his grasp.

"Lasciar andare di me stupido bastardo!" I yelled.

"What?" Spain asked.

"Oh, right, you don't speak _ITALIAN_! Maybe that's a _GOOD_ thing!" I yelled after that.

"Hey Lovi calm down," Spain said slightly rubbing my back.

"Mi dispiace," I said lowering my voice.

"There's no need to say sorry," Spain said, looking down at me and smiling.

"Mi piacciono i tuoi occhi e il tuo sorriso, ma non avevo mai realmente vi dico che," I said staring into the Spaniard's emerald eyes.

"I don't know what you're saying Lovino, lo siento," Spain said.

"Good! I don't want you to know what I'm saying," I snapped back.

"Eres realmente hermosa querida tomate," Spain said smiling down at me. The way his heavy Spanish accent said those words was enough to make me die a happy 11-year-old.

"Did you forget I understand Spanish?" I asked Spain, even though I only knew tomato, but I'm not going to tell him that! Fuck that shit! I looked at Spain, who was actually broke out in a blush. "I was kidding. I only know tomate is tomato," I said laughing a little.

"You're so mean Lovi!" Spain whined.

"Yeah well get over it, pomodoro bastardo," I said smiling at him. Seeing that made Spain blush a little more, and I couldn't help but smile a little bigger.

"My human name. You still want to know it right?" Spain asked a few minutes later.

"Si," I said looking at our connected hands.

"Mi nombre es Antonio," he replied. I looked up with a flushed face _(stop it already dammit! Stupid fucking face!)_ and caught Spain's eyes.

"Antonio, huh?" I asked. "I could get used to calling you that."


	3. Chapter 3: Days, Months, and even Years

The next morning, I woke up in Spain's arms, and I wondered how I got there. I mean yeah, I was in the same bed as him, but I was just holding his hand last night. Now he's holding me so...I don't know. I have to admit though, his tan body was just as hot as it looked. Wait-what? I didn't say that dammit! So anyway, I tried crawling away from Spain, but he just held on tighter. "Jusalittlelonger," he mumbled.

"Okay, but if I pee on you, you can't yell at me," I said looking behind my shoulder at him. With that, he immediately let go and chuckled.

"Go to the bathroom Lovi," Spain said leaning up an one of his elbows.

"Yeah, okay, thanks Spain," I said getting out of bed. Spain quickly grabbed me again, and pulled me down next to him. "What the hell bastard?!" I snapped in shock.

"No, you can't go anywhere. Not now. Not until you call me Antonio," Spain whispered into my ear.

"No! I'm not going to call you that!" I yelled.

"Just once," he said.

"A-Antonio," I said in a low tone. I was instantly released, and I headed for the bathroom. What was that? I saw that Sp-Antonio's face was flushed before I left him. Oh well. I went to the bathroom then washed my hands. (Everyone should do that...it's sanitary dammit!) When I came back out, Antonio was sitting up in the bed, watching as I came back out of the bathroom. I walked back over to the bed and sat down again.

Sp-Antonio and I sat there for a while, and then he spoke up. "I think we should go have some breakfast." With that, he got up off the bed and started walking to the door. I followed and we went down and to the kitchen.

* * *

"Happy 16th Lovino!" Antonio yelled. I was in the living room, because he told me to stay there, until he was done making breakfast. "You can come in now," he called out a bit later.

"Okay," I said shutting the T.V. off. I walked into the kitchen, and I smelled the eggs and bacon Antonio had cooked, and I saw the pancakes and waffles. There was a lot of food here, and I kind of wondered how we were going to eat it all.

"I called Austria this morning," Antonio said sitting down in his chair.

"You did?" I asked looking up at Antonio.

"Yeah. I invited him to a party that I'm throwing for you. I guess now it's for Feliciano too," he said continuing. I was shocked to hear those words come out of his mouth, and I grabbed a bagel and left the kitchen. I went out to the balcony I loved so much. He invited my brother, Austria, and Hungary to a party for me and Feliciano? Knowing him he invited France and Prussia too. It's been eleven years since I've seen my brother dammit. What am I going to do when I do see him?

"Lovi?" Antonio asked coming over to me.

"It's been eleven years Antonio," I said looking out across the field of tomatoes.

"Ah, I know that Lovino. That's why I thought I would invite them over. They said they'd be here around seven tonight," Antonio said giving me a kind smile.

"Who all did you invite?" I asked.

"Austria, Hungary, Feliciano, Francis, Gilbert, Ludwig, Femke, and I think that's it," he said.

"You do realize I only really know two of those people right?" I said looking at Antonio.

"Don't be silly Lovi! The only one you don't know is Ludwig. Oh by the way, Ludwig is Gilbert's little brother," Antonio said smiling to me.

"Great. I'm not a people person dammit," I said slouching down.

"Let's go finish all the breakfast I made!" Antonio said as he dragged me away from the balcony.

"Whatever bastard," I said allowing him to do so. We finished and then we got stuff ready for the party Antonio was throwing. I was nervous, and scared. Did Feli even remember who I was? Did he still love me? Would he still call me fratellone? Or simply fratello? Would he call me Lovino? Or Lovi? All these damn questions were clouding up my head, and I sat down on the floor where I was standing so I wouldn't fall over.

"Lovi?" Antonio asked coming over to me.

"I'm okay, I just needed to sit for a little bit," I said looking down at the floor.

"You're over thinking. I can tell," Antonio said.

"I can't help it," I said looking up at him. There was something in my voice that was threatening to shatter, sending me into a crying fit.

"It's okay Lovino," Antonio said hugging me. He started rubbing up and down soothingly, and whispered thing in Spanish to me, that I couldn't understand. But it was soothing, and I couldn't help but think back to the days when Nonno actually cared for me too. I started crying harder, and holding Antonio close to me. "Lovino, calm down. You're going to make yourself sick," Antonio said holding me back and still rubbing my back.

"I want to be alone for a bit," I sobbed out.

"Lovino, there's no need to stay isolated. It's time to open up to someone. It's not healthy to keep it all bottled up," Antonio whispered into my ear.

"Like your one to talk," I said. I didn't realize that that is what came out of my mouth, until it was said. "Oh god. I'm sorry Antonio. It slipped out," I said letting him go. I looked at him, and I waited for him to react. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he hit me again and I would really deserve it. Antonio leaned forward and pulled me to him. He put his arms around my waist and his head softly landed against my shoulder.

"I know Lovino. I'm telling you to let it all out so you don't end up like me. No one should go through isolation like I did. You should let it all go, you should cry, you should laugh, and you should love. You're still young Lovino, but you won't be young forever. Keeping things bottled up will only lead to suffering, and you won't be able to grow to love people. So please, let it go," Antonio said, tightening his grip around my waist.

"Does that mean you don't love anyone?" I asked him. Then I realized what the fuck just came out of my mouth I shut up and turned away, my face flushed. I heard Antonio chuckle against my shoulder, and his head rose up and he looked at me. I felt his hand grab my lower face, and he turned my head to him.

"I think I'm starting to learn what it's like to love someone," he said brushing my bangs from my eyes.

"O-oh," I said. He smiled a warm smile to me, and I felt my heart flutter. I've been falling in love with the bastard sitting in front of me, but I haven't even figured out this feeling of love. Is it temporary? Is it romantic? Is it like a father and son kind of love? Is it platonic? It confused the hell out of me. _How can I be falling for that bastard?_

"Lovino? You're spacing out," Antonio said. The tip of his nose was against mine, and I instantly flushed when I realized that.

"Uh...well then," I said. I got up and headed toward my room. "Call me when everybody gets here," I called back to Antonio. "Oh, and one more thing, it's Romano while everyone else is here, just like how you're Spain."

"Alright Romano," Antonio said with a chuckle.

"I said when everyone else was here dammit," I said as I let the door to my room shut. SInce I didn't have anything better to do, I decided to take a nap. But that actually proved to be hard, considering I was used to having Antonio's warm body somewhere next to mine.

I have thought about becoming independent. I think I have to be eighteen in human years for that though, so there was a couple years yet. It also depended on Feliciano. We would have to become independent together since we are each half of a full country. North and South Italy. Italy and Romano. Yet again, my brother proved to be better.

I woke up an hour later, and decided I wanted to go outside. Maybe on the balcony? Yeah. I got dressed again and headed for the balcony. I opened the doors and felt as the heat smacked my face and body hard. I thought back to the many times Antonio and I had talked and cried our hearts out to each other. It's March 17th already. My brother is coming. The brother I haven't seen in eleven years because Antonio took me away from him. Feliciano...I miss you so much. That bastard sure had fun taking me away. The doors to the balcony opened, and Antonio looked at me with tired eyes. "I went to take a nap, but I can't fall asleep without you Lovi," Antonio said smiling sadly at me.

"Sounds like a personal problem bastard," I said looking over at him. He really looked exhausted. I took his hand, and headed for his bedroom.

"Lovi?" Antonio asked as I pushed the doors open and walked over to the bed.

"Get in dammit," I said shoving Antonio onto the bed. He looked up and smiled, then crawled under the covers. I got in next to him, and he grabbed my hand as he turned to face me.

"Gracias Lovino," Antonio said bringing his head closer to mine, and resting his forehead on mine.

"Di niente," I said closing my eyes. We both ended up falling asleep. We always did when we were together in a bed. That and I spent too much time thinking about what's going to happen later. When we eventually woke up, it was five. I told Antonio I wanted to shower and get ready, and he let go of my waist _(how he manages to hug it so tightly I will never fucking know.)_ and let me go so I could get ready.

I went to my room and grabbed clothes then headed for the shower. When I was finished, I walked out and Antonio was still sitting on his bed. I walked over and was drying my hair, wearing nothing but the towel around my waist. Antonio heard me come into the room, and looked up from his spot on the bed. I could see his reflection in the mirror next to me, and he was blushing and looking at me with curiosity. "Why don't you take a picture dammit? It lasts longer," I said looking at Antonio's reflection. He came to the edge of the bed and then stepped off coming closer to me. Only then did it dawn on me that my very heavily scarred back was facing Antonio. His expression changed from when he first saw me, and now it was full of sadness and I could tell he was fighting the stubborn tears. "Don't look at me like that," I said looking at the ground.

"Lovino," Antonio said coming over to me. I wrapped the other towels I had around my shoulders, covering up some of my back. "Don't hide it from me," Antonio said pulling the towel off of me. He studied my back for a while, before he started tracing each scar with his long fingers. It kind of tickled, so I was wiggling slightly under his soft touches. Not too much longer after that, he was crying and whispering shit in Spanish, which I didn't catch, and I didn't understand.

I turned and faced him, knowing the pain he must have felt. Knowing how bad he hurt me, and how bad he scared me. I felt kind of bad for him. I reached up and wiped his tears away with my thumbs. "Don't cry dumbass. It's okay," I said looking into his teary emerald eyes.

"No it's not Lovino. Knowing how bad I hurt you and how alone you must have felt. I can't tell you how sorry I am," Antonio said hugging me.

"Sarò sempre perdonare. Non potrò mai arrabbiarsi con te per quello che hai fatto," I whispered to him.

"What?" Antonio asked me, looking at me with a funny expression on his face. I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little, which in turn, made him smile.

"I will always forgive you. I will never get angry with you for what you've done," I said again, but this time in English so Antonio would understand.

"Is that what you said?" he asked hugging me again.

"Yes. Now get off me dammit. You're going to make the towel fall off my waist," I said pushing Antonio away.

"Lo siento Lovino," Antonio said smiling and going back over to the bed. I went over and walked behind the changing screen to change into my clothes.

"What time is it?" I asked Antonio while changing.

"Umm...oh! It's six. Maybe I should shower now," Antonio said. I heard movement as he got off the bed and went to his dresser. As soon as he had everything he needed, he headed to the bathroom. I went to my own room soon after that, to mentally prepare myself for what was about to happen. My twin...my other half. I finally get to see him again. It was a little unbelievable.

I ended up falling asleep. I was awakened by Antonio's gentle shaking. As soon as I opened my eyes, Antonio said it was seven, and that everyone was going to arrive soon. I immediately got nervous again. "It's okay Lovino. Come one, let's go," Antonio said as he held a hand out to me. I shyly gave mine to him, and then he pulled me up and started walking us downstairs.

A few minutes later, there was a small sound at the door, followed by knocking. Antonio got up and answered the door. It was France and Prussia, and I have to say, I've never been happier to see them. I really wanted to see Feliciano again, but I don't know if I could handle it. "Happy birthday Romano," France said handing me a box. I opened it, and immediately flushed. It was another fucking annoying dress. But shorter. More revealing.

"Uh...what the fuck is wrong with you?!" I yelled at France as I threw the box away from me, then looked at Antonio who looked about like I did.

"Francis, why did you get that for Romano?" Antonio asked. Ouch. That hurt. Oh..I remember. We aren't calling each other by our human names while everyone else is here. I got up and went to my room.

* * *

"Seriously? You don't know why I got that for him Toni?" Francis purred into my ear.

"No," I said looking at the ground.

"And here I thought you loved him," Francis said pouting.

"I d-do, but I don't know how Lov-Romano feels about me. And I wouldn't do that to him!" I said looking at Francis, and wondering why Lovi went away.

"Well, maybe you should," Gilbert suddenly said.

"Oh! This must be Ludwig!" I said looking at the teen standing next to Gilbert.

"Yes, this is my brother Ludwig. Ludwig, this is Antonio, or Spain, you can call him either," Gilbert said motioning to me.

"Nice to meet you Spain," Ludwig started, "please call me Germany. I'm not fond of my human name."

"Nice to meet you Germany," I said holding my hand out. He shook it and then went and sat down on the couch with Gilbert.

"So you haven't told Roma yet?" Francis asked me.

"No," I said looking at him.

"I think you should. I've been coming here enough to know you are a changed man. ANd it's because of him. He is very special to you, I can tell. But you should tell him, before he decided to become indepepndent," Francis said looking up toward the stairs.

"I'll wait until tonight, after everyone leaves," I said walking to the door. I'm guessing either Femke, or Austria and his group have arrived. When I opened the door, I felt my body tense. It was Femke, but the Netherlands was with her.

"Good evening Spain," Femke said. I smiled at her and invited them in. Just then, I felt someone dragging me off.

"Oh, it's you Lovino," I said once we were in the kitchen.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? That look...don't ever do that again dammit!" he yelled to me. Lovi gripped the front of my shirt and tried to fight back tears.

"Lo siento Lovino," I said as I hugged him.

"It's my birthday. I don't want to have to break up a fight between you and the Netherlands. Please Antonio, don't start anything," Lovi said with pleading hazel eyes filled with tears, looking directly at me.

"I won't, I promise," I said hugging him again.

"Good dammit," he said hugging me back. I heard knocking on the front door again, and went to answer it. Lovi stayed by me the whole time, and when I answered the door, I felt Lovi tense up. Austria, Hungary, and Feliciano had finally arrived.

"Hello there Spain," Hungary said.

"Hello," I said smiling to her and the other two.

"Where's Roma?" she asked looking into the living room.

"Oh, he's behi-ouch!" I said looking back over my shoulder.

"I can talk for myself dammit!" he snapped at he. He walked a bit out from behind me, and he greeted Austria and Hungary. Then he saw Feliciano, and they just stood there and looked at each other.

"F-fratellone?" Feliciano asked with teary eyes.

"Feli," Lovi said calmly. In the next moment, they were hugging each other and crying tears of joy. ANd to be honest, I may have cried a bit too. I then went into the kitchen and brought the birthday cake out.

"Let's sing and wish Lovi and Feli a happy birthday!" I said as I lit the candles.

* * *

And they sang, and we ate cake, and I managed to get caught up with Feliciano. And then after a while everyone left. Feliciano told me we could become independent. He said that Germany became independent at fifteen. So we could...right? He said he was going to tell Austria, and then call me. I told him I would tell Antonio tonight. So after the party, I went up to my room and changed, then went out to the balcony. I figured Antonio would find me, after he finished cleaning.

It was about ten minutes later when he did join me. He came out and looked at me with the kindest expression on his face. "Hey Lovi," he said.

"Hey. I have something I need to tell you," I said looking at him.

"I want to tell you something too," he started, "but I want you to go first."

"Okay," I started, then took a few deep breaths, "I'm becoming independent."

"Oh, I see," he said looking away. Then he faintly smiled, and then turned back to me with a smile on his face, but tears in his eyes.

"It's not because of anything you did, but I feel I should get used to being the country that I am. I'm the southern half of Italy. Feliciano wants independence too," I said looking out into the starry sky.

"You're right. I won't fight you on this. If this is what you feel is right, then go for it," Antonio said taking my hand.

"What did you want to say?" I asked him. He brightened up a little, then hesitated.

"Maybe I should save it for some other time," he said looking at me, then smiling kindly.

"No. I want to know now," I said squeezing Antonio's hand slightly.

"Well, I really don't know if I want to say it anymore Lovino," Antonio said letting go of my hand and turning around.

"Well, I'm not finished yet dammit!" I yelled to him and then reached out and held his waist tightly. I felt his body tense under my grip, and I heard his breath hitch in his mouth. "Just tell me dammit," I spoke softly.

"Now's not the time for it Lovino. Please, just let it go," Antonio said. It sounded like he was choked up, and I hated hearing that.

"Look at me," I said grabbing his face and turning it to me, "I want to know. I don't care if you think it's the wrong time. Just tell me," I said softly wiping away the tears that were falling down Antonio's cheeks.

"I can't," he said, looking out into the horizon.

"Okay then. I'll just go pack my things and call Feliciano," I said letting go of Antonio's hand, and walking back to my room. I packed, carried my things down to the door, and then I called Feliciano. An hour later, I was headed for Italy. I told Antonio goodbye and that I'd see him around, so get those thoughts out of your heads bastards. But I do faintly remember hearing him crying as I walked out the front door. I felt a little guilty for leaving, but it was going to happen at some point. It was enevidable. I really was going to miss living with him though...


	4. Chapter 4: Seeing You Again

I never did think being a country would be hard. That and living without Antonio and sharing the same house as my dimwitted twin brother. I have to say though, it was a little cool. Being a country, I mean. Yes there was a lot of work, but it always paid off in the end. There were also times I hated being a country, and times where it was just plain boring. Mine and Feliciano's first world conference is coming up, and this will be the first time people would see us together as the country of Italy. And it will be the first time I've seen Antonio in two years.

Yes, I said two years in case you didn't quite catch that. I'm eighteen now, and proud of it. But anyway, I don't really know what to expect when I see him again. There have been a few letters and phone calls exchanged between us, but we never met in person. He mostly just talked about how much he misses me and what not. I missed him too, but I wasn't going to say that. I also missed having him next to me as I slept, so it was weird sleeping alone.

"Ve...say big brother? What do you think of Germany?" Oh yeah, then there's that. Feliciano has been hanging with that damn potato bastard. I don't really trust him, and I think he's brainwashing Feli. To be honest, even a bigger idiota than Feli could fucking brainwash him. So, maybe I shouldn't be so worried.

"I don't like him." And that's how simple my answer turned out to be. I could tell you how Feliciano didn't react, but I'm not big on lying. So he just got really sad, and cried, and told me I should get to know that fucking potato bastard better before I go saying stuff like that. Then he told me that his "Luddy" makes him happy. And who am I to be mad at my brother if he's happy and I'm not? Oh wait. I was kind of mad. I don't exactly have anyone that makes me happy.

Which was a lie. I did have someone. I had Antonio, but I….well I don't know. I did have him, yes, but he was in Spain. Most of the time, Germany was here, or Feliciano was there. I hardly saw my brother since he got to know Germany. And I guess I wouldn't see him again until the world conference, because that's just how he is.

Anyway, the world conference is in a couple hours, and it's being held here in Rome. Why they decided that, I have no idea. So I am currently getting ready for that. I wanted to look nice, but not too nice. So I went with jeans, a dress shirt (a white one of course) and some tennis shoes. I grabbed a few tomatoes, got into my car, and headed to the conference hall. At this point, there was about twenty minutes until it actually started.

Nothing interesting happened at the conference. But after Feliciano told me he was going to move into Germany's house for a while, and asked if I would be okay alone. I told him yes, but that was a lie. I just didn't want to see him sad. Most people think I really hate Feliciano for being better than me, when I actually envy him, and want to be a little more like him. I told Antonio that once, and he said he didn't want me any other way than just the way I once, bitchy attitude and all. So I decided to stay the way I was after that, because I have a weak spot for Antonio.

I was walking out to my car after the conference, and I actually felt bad, because Antonio never came to say hi or anything. I was actually wondering if he was mad at me for leaving him. I wouldn't be surprised if he was. I'd be mad at me too. But I also felt guilty, and empty, and lonely without him. I seriously was starting to question my sexuality. I've had a few dates since I left Antonio, but with me being a country, I had to leave before I got attached. The whole _'don't get close to humans because they die and you don't'_ sort of thing.

When I got to my car, I got in and started it and buckled up, and I checked my rear view mirror, and then I absentmindedly shut the car off and turned around in the seat. I couldn't believe my eyes. I just couldn't. Here I thought he had left already, but no. He was sitting in the back of my fucking car. He was sitting right there. I rubbed my eyes, and looked again, and he was still sitting there. "Hello Lovino," he said to me. I missed hearing my name roll off his tongue like that, in that accent, _oh my god,_ I need to calm myself.

"H-hi," I said back, my eyes filling with water. Fucking traders.

"Can I hug you Lovi?" he asked, actually crying a few tears. All I could do was nod and crawl my way into the back of my car, so he could wrap his arms around me and hold me tight and close. The minute I was sitting next to him, his arms wrapped around me and he started crying a little harder. I couldn't help but cry a little too. I snaked my arms up between us, and I grabbed the front of his shirt and just cried like a sissy. But it was okay, because the only person who could see was Antonio, who was also crying like a sissy. Guess I missed him a little more than I thought.

After our really long and wet hug, we pulled apart and Antonio looked at me and smiled. God, how I missed that smile. "So, I have a question Lovino," Antonio suddenly said. I looked up at him and smiled slightly.

"Alright," I said after that.

"Can I come stay for a couple days?" he asked nudging my shoulder with his.

"Umm...sure. I'll be alone in my house again anyway," I said.

"Alone? Alone again?" Antonio asked looking at me with a worried expression.

"Feliciano's been getting close to Germany. He went to his house a few times, and was gone for like a week at a time. This time, I'm not sure when he'll be back," I said laughing to myself.

"Sounds...lonely," Antonio said leaning against me.

"It is," I said shoving him off and getting out of the car. I got back into the front seat, and then I turned back to Antonio. "Go get your stuff dammit!" I snapped at him, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Right!" he said as he stumbled out of the car. He came back quicker than I thought he would and shoved everything into the back of the car. He then got in next to me, buckled up, and then turned to me and nodded. I started the car, and headed for my house. When we arrived, I helped Antonio grab his stuff, and then I went and unlocked the door, and led Antonio to my bedroom.

"So..uh...yeah. Make yourself at home I guess. Supper will be ready in an hour," I said walking of the room. I made my way to the kitchen and started getting stuff ready to make pizza, only because it's better fresh. Antonio came in not too much longer after I did and came over to watch me.

"I didn't know you could cook," Antonio said, now watching me with a hint of admiration in his eyes.

"Yes you did...stupid bastard," I mumbled the last part to myself. I used to cook for him all the time.

"No, I didn't know you could cook pizza and stuff like that. I know you had some history with cooking," Antonio said coming closer to where I was working.

"Don't you have anything better you could be doing?" I asked looking over my shoulder with a glare.

"Nope!" Antonio stated, a little...no very cheerfully. I groaned, but went back to what I was doing. After a while, Antonio set his gaze on my face. I tried to ignore it, but with him staring at me like that, I just couldn't work. I managed to get the pizza done and in the oven. I then turned at looked at Antonio, and he just smiled at me.

"It's hard to do this stuff with you watching me so intensely like that," I said taking a step closer to Antonio. I spotted the bowl I made the sauce in, and the spoon was positioned just right.

"You saw that did you?" he said, softly chuckling to himself.

"Yes, I did," I said looking at him. He reached out and grabbed my apron and pulled me to him. "Hey! What are you doing dammit?!" I asked, my face red with a mix of shock and embarrassment.

"Oh, nothing," he said coming closer to my face. I decided now was a good time to grab that spoon. So I did. I then wiped it across Antonio's face, making him let go of me, and I couldn't help but laugh. Antonio heard that, and he froze, and then he smiled. It really has been a while since he's heard me laugh. "So, you wanna play that way, huh?" he asked taking a step toward me. He reached his hand in the bowl, and then caressed my cheek with that hand. He smiled at me, and then laughed.

I looked around and saw the flour, and then I grabbed some and threw it into his face. He opened his eyes and smiled, then secretly grabbed flour and threw it at me as well. But me being as smart as I am, I dodged it and threw more sauce in his face. After that, we were throwing different foods and spices at each other, and soon we were laying on the floor breathing heavily. "We should really get cleaned up before the pizza is done," I said turning to face Antonio.

"Yeah, probably." But of course, he made no movements to get up and do anything, so I left him there and went to take a shower. Once I was done, I went into my bedroom and Antonio was sitting there in his boxers. I immediately flushed, just because that's how I work. And he noticed me, and I turned to the other side of the room, my scarred back facing him. He shuffled over to me. "Why is it you always turn away? Why show me your back, when you know how much it pains me to see it?" Antonio asked hugging me from behind.

"Natural reaction," I whispered, not knowing if he heard me or not.

"Pero de nuevo, porque te amo, tenga usted querido, tengo que aprender a amar todo sobre este frágil cuerpo de los suyos," Antonio said, then walked into the bathroom so he could shower. I got dressed and went down to take the pizza out of the oven, since I could smell it, and man, did it ever smell delicious! Anyway, I went to the kitchen and then I took the pizza out of the oven and set it on the counter. I made sure the dough was cooked, and then I cut it and took it over to the table. I grabbed two wine glasses, and then I went to the cellar to pick out a good bottle of wine. I heard Antonio as he entered the kitchen (the cellar door was like, five feet away from the kitchen door) and he called my name.

"I'm in the cellar. I'll be right up," I said finally deciding on a good, red wine to drink with the pizza. As soon as I came back up, I opened the wine and poured some in each glass, then set the bottle aside. "Well, I hope you enjoy this lovely meal," I said looking at Antonio as I took a drink of wine.

"Lovi, you're only eighteen. You shouldn't be drinking," Antonio said looking at me seriously.

"You're in Italy. The drinking age here is anywhere from sixteen to eighteen, depending where you are in the country. Here in Rome, it's perfectly legal for me to be drinking," I said setting my glass down and looking over at Antonio.

"Oh," he said looking down and grabbing a piece of the epicness on the table. I watched as he brought it to his mouth and took a bite. His face changed from '_concerned-father-teaching-son-proper-things-about-life_' to '_omg-I-think-I-just-had-a-flavor-orgasm-thingy-majigger-in-my-mouth_' so I could tell he really liked it. I smiled to myself, and grabbed a piece for me.

After going through the pizza and a bottle of wine, I told Antonio I was going to go change and head to my pool in the backyard. He, of course, said he would join me. So we spent a good hour or so swimming, and somehow managed to end up in a bath together. Yes. I somehow let Antonio talk me into bathing with him. So here we were, naked as naked can get, sitting across from each other in a bubble bath. What's next? A frolic through a meadow wearing dresses and spewing glitter everywhere?

Umm...anyway...before I get too lost in thought, I looked over to see what Antonio was up to. He was looking at me. HE WAS FUCKING LOOKING AT ME WITH A FUNNY LOOK. WHAT THE HELL. "W-what is it?" I asked him. I can only take so much of that look…

"Come here Lovino," he whispered. I scooted a little closer to him, and he told me to turn around so he could see my back. I did, because I really don't want to make him any more upset than he is already. I heard him take a few deep breaths, and then his hands grabbed my sides.

"Mi dispiace non sono mai stato un buon figlio...o qualsiasi altra cosa ero. Sono innamorato di te. Non posso davvero dirvi questo...ma forse qualche volta sarò in grado di dirlo," I whispered, even though I knew if he heard, he still wouldn't understand. I looked behind my shoulder at him and he was crying. He cried everytime he looked at my scarred back. I turned again and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He smiled a weak smile at me, and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him, and let him cry for a while.

"I need to look again," he said as soon as he had calmed down some. So I let him. He traced my scars with soft touches, and after a few minutes, he kissed my back. I looked back at him, and he looked up at me, and there was something in those eyes that really made me want to kiss him for real. I scanned my Spanish vocabulary quickly, and I managed to find just what I was looking for. I turned around, never breaking the eye contact between us. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted Antonio to steal my first real kiss away.

"Bésame," I whispered to him.

"Did you just say something in Spanish Lovi?" he asked, oblivious to what I just said.

"Yes. I said bésame," I said a little louder.

"What?" he asked, his face becoming flushed.

"Bésame," I repeated yet again. This was starting to annoy the hell out of me. I looked up at Antonio, who somehow, without a word, managed to get really close to me. It wasn't long after that, that he answered my request. His mouth covered mine, and I really didn't know what to do. So I stopped thinking and just let my body work it's magic. Soon I found I had my arms wrapped around Antonio's neck, and I was kissing him back. A little later, I felt Antonio's tongue trail across my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth a little wider, just to see what would happen. His tongue entered my mouth, and I really had to say, I didn't hate the feeling at all.

When the kiss ended, Antonio and I were out of breath, and we couldn't do anything but look at each other. "Did that really just happen?" Antonio asked after a little bit. Instead of answering him, I just got out of the tub and grabbed a towel and headed for my room. I dried off and changed, then went to my (hehehe...I have one to Antonio!) balcony. I stood out there, trying to wrap my head around what just happened as well. I asked him to kiss me. He kissed me. I_ ran._ Oh god...I actually ran. I hope he's not too mad at me for that one.

I stood out on the balcony for what seemed to be ten minutes, when Antonio finally came out by me. He stood next to me, and I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I was just too in shock to do anything at the moment. "Lovino." I heard my name called, in a thick Spanish accent, but I never acknowledged it. I couldn't acknowledge something like that, when all I could think about, was crashing my lips onto Antonio's again.

"Lovino, look at me." Again, I could just hear him talking. I tried moving, but I was frozen in place. Soon after that, I felt him grab my face and turn it to him. "Lovino. Are you alright?" he asked me, noticing my shocked expression, and I saw a bit of what looked like concern in his eyes.

"I-I'm fine," I managed to get out. It was indeed a lie though.

"Don't lie to me," he said, his grip getting a little tighter.

"Mi dispiace," I said, feeling the tears fill my eyes. Not to long after that, I started crying. Like a baby. Antonio wrapped his arms around me, and held me tight.

"Don't be sorry. Not for anything," he whispered into my ear. I felt...happy, I guess is how I can describe it. I felt warm, and comfortable in Antonio's strong, warm arms. I want to kiss him again. I really want to kiss him. I need to kiss him.

"Antonio?" I asked, a little gravely.

"Yes Lovino?" he asked in return.

"W-Will you k-kiss me again?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Ah, how can I say no to that face, hmm?" he said as he leaned closer. "Just promise not to run away this time."

"I promise I won't run away this time," I said quietly. I waited for a little bit, and then Antonio's mouth covered mine once again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and deepened the kiss. Once again, Antonio trailed his tongue over my bottom lip, and I let him in. This time though, he took the time to tease my tongue. I shivered in delight, and I just knew Antonio felt it. I knew because he chuckled slightly. While kissing me still. I guess I don't give him enough credit for whole can't-multitask-worth-shit-because-I'm-stupid thing. I'll have to lighten up a bit. Oh god, I feel light headed. "A-Anto-Antonio, I can't breathe," I hissed out while trying to continue the kiss.

"Ah, lo siento Lovino," Antonio said breaking the kiss. We were both panting heavily, and I looked up at Antonio. I needed a couple answers.

"H-How long? Is that what you were going to tell me two years ago? Before I left?" I asked Antonio, now looking at him.

"Ah, oh right. I remember that night like it was yesterday. The day you left me alone in that house. I don't know exactly what you are referring to, but I think it goes like this. That night, two years ago, was your sixteenth birthday. I was going to tell you something important that I had discovered, and then you told my you were becoming independent. So I didn't think I should tell you anymore. Francis helped me figure this out, and helped me know what it was that I was feeling," Antonio said looking out at the moon and the sky.

"What you were feeling? Something important?" I asked.

"Yes. It was important to me. I was going to tell you the truth Lovino," Antonio said looking at me.

"What truth?" I asked, getting nervous.

"Te amo, Lovino," he whispered, then his arms wrapped around me. I felt my face start to burn up. Antonio...loves me? What should I do now? Should I tell him? I don't think I'm ready to tell him something like that. I needed a bit more time. "Lovino? It's okay if you don't love me. I'm fine with that. Until you though, I didn't know what is was like to love someone. I'm glad I met you Lovi. No past, no scars, and no crazy tempered Italian will make me regret anything I have done, or change the way I feel," Antonio whispered into my ear.

"I need more time. I think I know the answer to what you told me, but I'm a little new at this as well," I said, gripping the front of his shirt so hard I could feel my knuckles turn white.

"Ah, that's quite alright Lovino. Just don't keep me waiting too long," he said, now smiling at me.

"R-Right," I stuttered back to him. So, he loves me. I guess I've been waiting to hear that, and now I have to find the right time and place (and courage) to tell him that I love him too. I just don't know how to say it right now.

"Shall we go inside and get some sleep Lovino?" Antonio asked, taking my hand. He led us over to my bed, and he got in and pulled me beside him. Oh how I missed having this Spaniard next to me when I was getting ready to sleep. His warmth, his smile, the feel of his hand. I wanted to much more of him, and I knew he wanted more of me. But, I think he could wait a while. I decided that just this once, I would give him a little more love on my part.

I scooted closer to Antonio and I wrapped my arms around his torso, causing him to tense. He relaxed after a few seconds, and wrapped his arms around my slightly smaller frame. I felt his heat engulf me, and I enjoyed it. This Spanish bastard was warm. So warm it's not even funny. "Antonio?" I suddenly heard myself call out.

"Yes Lovi?" he asked in return.

"What did you do, you know, after I left you?" I asked, still not sure why I was doing so. Maybe it was because I was secretly worried about the answer he would give me.

"Well, I quit eating for a while, I drank myself silly every night, and when Francis and Gilbert came, and saw how weak and frail I was, they helped me regain myself, and my sanity. I was on the verge of becoming a fucked up lunatic," Antonio said, tightening his grip a little. He swore. He actually swore. He hasn't done that since he was still beating me.

"O-oh. Please don't," I started. "I don't know what I would do with my life if I didn't have you. I'm the only one who knows everything about you. Your past, your scars, the things that anger you, the things that make you sad, the things that make you happy, and I even know some of the ways to pleasure you," I said holding him closer to me, worried that the man in front of me, would somehow just vanish into thin air.

"You know that much, huh?" he stated, "why don't you just show me how much you know then?" he asked moving so I was over him.

"No," I said looking down at his lusty eyes. _Oh god._ There was a fire in my lower stomach, and I felt something react to that glare.

"Alright. Well, I know all of that about you too Lovino," he said flipping us over so he was over me.

"L-Like what?" I asked him, looking away. He one of his legs, so it brushed against the bulging tent of my pants. '_oh god_,' I thought to myself. He knows. Oh how he knows. He looked down, and just kept staring. I wriggled around underneath of him, just to the point where I could almost hide myself. But then Antonio grabbed me, and put me back where I was.

"You know how you never told me about that curl of yours?" he asked suddenly.

"Oh god," I whispered harshly.

"Oh yes Lovino. I know exactly what that does," he said moving his hand up. I smacked it away, and before he could react, I smashed my lips against him. He immediately froze, and then melted into the kiss. Score one, Lovino. Ha! Anyway, it wasn't long until he once again invaded my mouth. After I broke the kiss, I looked up at him.

"That's one thing that pleasures you," I panted to him.

"Yes indeed. But Lovi, it's not good to ignore a erection like that," he said looking down at my tent again. And he was right, of course. Wasn't good at all.

"Oh well," I said turning to face the opposite direction as Antonio's gaze.

"Lovino. Let me take care of that for you," Antonio said. I turned to snap at him, but he just put a hand over my mouth and started pulling my pants down. I looked at his face, and I could tell he too, was just as horny as I was, and he had his own tent going on. I was too deep in thought to register what he was doing, until he licked the head of my dick that is. That sure snapped me back to reality. I looked at what he was doing, and then he shoved all of me into his mouth, and I heard this, moan thingy come from my throat. Antonio moved his hand away from my mouth and he spread my legs further apart, and went on teasing me.

I reached out and wrapped my fingers in strands of his curly brown hair, and he sped us his movements, causing me to moan louder, and somehow lose my ability to breathe normally. I gripped his hair tighter, and pushed down on his head. He became a little faster, and then I felt myself get close to cumming. I had a thin layer of sweat coating my body, and then I came, grunting and moaning loudly as I did. Antonio sucked me dry, and then he let go of me with a pop.

Antonio looked up at me, and then he smiled. I looked back at him, and I couldn't help but...I don't even know what I did. It looked like I reached out to him like I was some sort of little kid. And I giggled. I fucking _GIGGLED_. That was the weirdest sound that has ever come out of my mouth. Antonio smiled at me, and came to me, even though I just fucking _GIGGLED_ at him, and reached out to him like that. He looked happy, and I didn't want to ruin that. I guess my mind was still fuzzy from what just happened. Then I remembered looking at him and seeing he was hard too. I looked at his crotch again, and he was still very visibly hard. Maybe I should help him out too.

I straddled his lap, and I looked at his face. He looked at me, and looked surprised, but eager at the same time. So I did. I helped him out. I pulled his pants down, and I gave him a blowjob to, and it seemed like he enjoyed it a little too much. Oh well. I wanted him happy. I guess the day I tell him I love him too, was going to come sooner than I had originally thought. But I guess I wasn't worried. Maybe I'll do it now. "Antonio?" I called out.

"Yes Lovino?" he asked rubbing a hand up and down my arm.

"Ti amo," I whispered, looking up at him. He smiled, and his eyes filled with happy tears. He wrapped his arms around my body and kissed my forehead.

"That's good to know," he said smiling at me.

* * *

**_A/N:_**

**_Hiya everyone! Don't forget to leave a review! I really hope you guys are liking this story so far. THen again, I wouldn't know unless you reviewed. I can't read mind you know. Although I wish I could. How cool would that be? Anyway, I'm not sure where this is going. I just type whatever comes to mind. Oh well. So, keep on following, favoring, and reviewing! I appreciate it all!_**

**_-animelover4242564-_**


	5. Chapter 5: Mistakes and Running Away

I really fucking hate this. Everything that happened yesterday was a fucking DREAM. Well, not everything. I mean the from the pool, to me telling Antonio I loved him. It was all a dream. We didn't kiss, we didn't do naughty things together, he didn't tell me he loved me. I was getting sick of this. I crawled out of bed and made my way downstairs, to find Antonio asleep on the couch. He must've carried my drunk ass upstairs and then came down here. This seriously was really fucking annoying.

I really liked that dream, but I guess I was only kidding myself. Antonio didn't love me like that. I'm just crazy and full of bullshit. Huh. That almost sounded like my whole life. I passed out yesterday, and I woke up in my bed, so I mean Antonio had to care a little even if he was mad at me for leaving him. I should go change. So I did. Then I made coffee...and eggs and bacon for breakfast. Then I decided I should wake Antonio up, but he looked...well bad. I never noticed that yesterday.

Antonio looked like a sleeping zombie. There were huge bags under his eyes, and his face was pale. He wasn't covered up with a blanket, he didn't have a pillow. He could have taken one off my bed or something. So I went up to my room and then decided he might be more comfortable in my bed. And I don't get why people portray me as weak. And small. I'm just slightly smaller than Antonio! Anyway, I could lift him, I've always been able to lift him. So I made my way over to him and lifted him up in my arms bridal style and started carrying him up to my room.

He woke up slightly, and just held on around my neck as I carried him up the stairs. Once we made it to my room, I set him on the bed and He started removing some of his clothes. He took his shoes and socks off, and then his dress jacket, then his tie, then the shirt, then I quit keeping tabs because I was too focused on his chest. It was pretty broad, and tan, and hot.

My bad. Sorry about that. Oh and I'm not gay dammit! Oh who am I kidding? You guys see right through that, don't you? Anyway, once he had his pants off, I helped him cover up, and get comfortable. After that, I told him he should take the day to sleep, while I did some housework. He agreed, and fell asleep. I grabbed his clothes and made sure there was nothing in his pockets and then I grabbed my dirty clothes and decided I would wash laundry first. So I did, then I vacuumed here and there, then I decided to take some food up to Antonio. He liked it, and asked if I could get him a glass of water, so I did. Then he went to sleep again.

I then decided to take a break, and I sat around thinking about my dream. If Antonio really did love me, would he tell me? Would I be able to tell him? God I hope so. He deserves to be shown that kind of love, and to learn how to love. I knew that Antonio was one of the most experienced countries there are, but he did most of the things in his past out of boredom, or he was forced to. That's what I gathered anyway. There was only once when Antonio actually loved. It was a human, and he got too close. And she figured out he was immortal, because as she aged, Antonio didn't look a day over twenty.

He was heartbroken, and that was when he started beating my back. I was old enough to remember that human girl. And the pain Antonio went through. And how distant he became. "Lovino?" I heard my name being call, once, twice, three times and a shake of my shoulders. I looked up at Antonio, who looked really worried, and still so tired. "Why are you crying Lovi?" he then asked me, wiping my face with his thumb.

"Oh, I am? I didn't even notice. I was thinking about that time you loved her, and I was remembering how happy you were when you were in love. And how that drastically changed so much," I said looking straight ahead.

"Yeah, I think that was a mistake on my part," he said sitting next to me and leaning his head on my shoulder.

"Do you regret it?" I asked him.

"No. I don't regret loving her, I don't regret loving at all. I regret forgetting how to love, and I regret laying a finger on you like that," Antonio said placing a hand on my back.

"You've changed again since then. It seems now you remember what love is and remember the people around you," I said hanging my head.

"I know how to love again now, and that's all thanks to you. You came to live with me, and I slowly found myself beginning to care for you as a son. Time went on and you grew, and grew, and grew. Then it was your sixteenth birthday, and Francis gave you that crazy dress, and I was going to tell you something important that I realized and had help realizing. And then you said you were leaving, and I felt like you wouldn't even change your mind if I said anything, and I thought you would run away faster. Only now do I realize, that you probably would've stayed a little longer.

When we met up again for the first time in two years yesterday, I felt like the happiest man alive, and I cried tears of joy upon seeing you and your face again. Then you brought me home, and we ate and messed around and you got drunk. You passed out, and after I took you up to your bed, I realized that I never stopped, and I was falling all over again," Antonio said, not moving an inch.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him, looking over at the top of his head.

"I fell in love with you Lovino. When you were sixteen. That night I said I couldn't say anything, I was going to say 'te amo' and keep you by me for a while longer," I looked at him with this, glare thingy, and he looked up at me. He actually loved me?

"O-Oh," I said, not being able to look away from those emerald eyes. I should say something. I was thinking about telling him the truth, but that's not what came out of my mouth. "I-I need time dammit," I said looking away from him. My body wasn't listening to me...dammit. I heard Antonio breath out next to me.

"Was that a partial confession Lovino?" he asked, sitting up. I instantly grew cold without his body pressed on me.

"I don't know dammit! Go get some sleep. I'm going out for a bit," I said grabbing my coat and car keys and heading for the door. I didn't wait to hear and answer from him, and I got into my car and drove into the city. I live in the outskirts of Rome, about a twenty minute drive from my house to the center of Rome. I went into town to buy groceries and some more wine for the cellar.

When I got back home, it was pretty late, and I figured I'd go up and check on Antonio. He was asleep on my bed, and I couldn't help but notice how peaceful he looked while he slept. I made him more food, and took it up to him. I sat on the bed next to him, and shook him a bit. His emerald eyes fluttered, just like a butterfly, and then opened slowly at the sight of me. He smiled, sat up, looking a bit better than he did earlier. The bags under his eyes were almost gone, and his eyes and smiled were a little brighter. "Here, you need to eat," I said handing him the tray of food. He thanked me, and I told him he should shower too, and then sleep again. He nodded at my words, and I got up to leave. He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it. My face flushed, and I left the room.

I made myself something to eat, and sat at the table to eat. I heard the door open, and looked up to see who it was. I don't know why, because the only other person in this house but me is Antonio. And it was him...so yeah. I looked up at his eyes, and he walked over to me. I was going to ask what was up, but he just grabbed my wrist and dragged me upstairs with him. I was going to ask what he was doing, and he dragged me into the bathroom, so I kind of lost the ability to speak. He started pulling at the shirt I was wearing, and I couldn't read the expression in his eyes, and I could tell he was avoiding eye contact with me anyway. He pulled my shirt over my head, and he looked at my chest. He then reached out, and put his hands on the belt of my pants and started undoing it.

I think he was scared I was going to run away. I should let him know otherwise. But it's not like I could do to him what he was doing to me. He was already in just his boxers. Well, dammit. He managed to get my pants and socks off, and was now looking at me, in my half naked glory. It was embarrassing, so I slightly tried to cover myself and hide from his emerald eyes. He walked over and started the water for the shower, and then turned back to me. I could tell slightly where this was going. His lusty, horny gaze fell to my crotch, and I could tell he was thinking about what I would look like once my boxers weren't on my body anymore. I grabbed the elastic band of my boxers, and trailed my fingers around the rim of them. Antonio, being the animal he is, was over by me and taking them off in one swift movement, and it wasn't too much longer when his hit the floor as well.

He pulled me into the shower, and he was still horny as hell, but I wasn't affected at all. With the water hitting my back, I looked at Antonio and then I trailed my gaze over his body, and landed on his very present erection. Well...then...uhh. I looked back up at Antonio's face, and he had his eyes closed, probably trying to calm down. If I help him out here, then it's going to raise questions in his mind. He was going to think I loved him. Well, I did, but yeah. I didn't want him to know that just yet. "A-Antonio?" I called out suddenly. He grunted in response, and I looked at his face. "Please don't take this the wrong way. It's not what you're going to think it means," I said looking back down. Another grunt, and I grabbed his dick and started rubbing the base. I heard his breath hitch, and he looked at my face.

"I-I would really prefer if that w-was your m-mouth," Antonio panted out to me a couple minutes later. I just looked at him, then squeezed. He yelped in surprise and pain. "What the hell Lovino?" he asked grabbing ahold of my arms. I looked up at him, and he let go of me, and relaxed against the wall.

"Let me do this by myself. I don't want or need input from you," I told him as I got to my knees.

"Alright. Lo siento," he said looking down at me. And then he moaned, because by then, I had taken him. I started bobbing my head, teasing him with a few licks, bites, and sucks here and there. He ran his hands through my hair, and held on. I started moving a bit faster, and then I could hear Antonio breathing differently and his grip got tighter and he started moving his hands, urging me to go faster. So I did. Antonio came a while after that with a loud grunt, and his semen filled my mouth and throat. I swallowed it down, and then I stood back up, and turned to face the water, and rinsed my mouth.

After a while, we got out of the shower and got dried off and dressed and crawled into bed. He took my hand and held it, just like old times. I could feel the natural heat of his body radiated off of him, and I took comfort in it. I heard Antonio breathing, and I looked up at his face, and instantly met with his eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier," he whispered softly.

"It's okay. Just don't do it again," I said back, not breaking eye contact with him.

"Ah, okay. I'll try," he said with a wink. I groaned and let go of his hand and turned to face the other way. "Lovi!" he whined to me. Yep. He was definitely feeling better.

"What?" I snapped at him.

"Turn back around, please?" he asked placing a hand on my side a tugging a bit. So I eventually turned around like he asked, and he took my hand again. We talked a little more about how our lives were when we weren't living together, and when I was getting used to being a country. After a while, Antonio said good night, and then drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, Antonio wasn't in bed with me. Which was sad...he's really warm. But I got up and headed downstairs and then I heard commotion in the kitchen. I went in and Antonio was standing there cooking breakfast. He was making pancakes, and I saw that he made churros. The tomatoes were laying by him, and he was humming a song softly to himself. He did look a lot better today, compared to what he looked like yesterday. The bags under his eyes were gone, and he was much more cheerful. He turned slightly, and then noticed I was standing there in my pajamas. But, he was in his too. "¡Buenos días!" he said looking at me.

"Yeah, buongiorno," I said walking over by him. He smiled and went back to finishing up the breakfast he was making. I watched him, and soon everything was being put onto the table. We sat down and ate, then cleaned up together. The silence between us was comfortable, and not weird like it normally is. It's like we both were just happy the other was standing right there. I looked over at Antonio, who was currently washing dishes. He was humming again, and smiling at nothing. So this is what it's like, huh? This is how it felt to be in love with someone? I enjoyed this feeling.

"Lovino?" Antonio suddenly asked.

"Yeah?" I asked him in return.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, finishing up with the dishes.

"Oh, I don't know. I was just lost in thought I guess," I said turning away.

"Oh, okay," he said with a smile. He came over by me and he smiled down at me again, and kissed my forehead. "Thanks for the help Lovi," he said as he walked out of the kitchen.

"S-Sure...anytime," I said after he was already gone. I placed one of my hands on the spot he kissed, and then I really don't know what happened after that. I do remember actually going up to change and then going swimming. And I watched Antonio as he watched my. Pretty soon after that, he was in the pool with me, and we were in a splashing war. And then we were laughing, and then staring. And then he swam closer to me, and I didn't really know what to think of that.

"I really love you Lovino," Antonio whispered. I wish I wasn't so afraid of getting close to people. I wish I didn't run away from things that scare me. I wish I wouldn't have run away then. Antonio looked pretty sad, and disappointed. I was walking through the living room, and I looked back at the pool. Antonio was still in it, and I watched him as he looked up at the sky. "¿Por qué no acabas de decir que me amas? Deja de correr. Voy a estar aquí, no importa lo que pase. Usted no tiene que tener miedo. Lovino, te amo. ¿Cómo podría dejarte?" I heard him say.

"A-Antonio?" I suddenly asked out. I didn't know why, but it happened. He turned and looked over in my direction, and I suddenly found myself at a loss for words.

"What is it Lovi?" he asked me.

"What was that just now?" I asked him.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked looking up at me.

"Yes, I do," I said getting back into the pool next to him. He looked like he was in deep thought for a couple of seconds, and then he looked back to me.

"Okay, I'll tell you. I said: Why don't you just say you love me? Stop running. I'll be here no matter what. You don't have to be afraid. Lovino, I love you. How could I Ieave you?" he said looking up to the sky. I looked at him, and I felt a little guilty. I didn't want to cause problem or pain for Antonio. He was my rock. He was my everything. Why can't I just tell him that? He deserves to hear it. He deserves to know. I just don't know what's stopping me. My heart and head really hurt right now.

"Vorrei poter dire tutto. Mi fai sentire strano. Mi sento caldo con voi. Mi sento amato. Mi sento di poter essere me stesso. Mi sento come faresti qualsiasi cosa per me. Mi sento come se potessi fare qualcosa per voi. Non so come dirle, dannazione!" I whispered out to the air.

"What Lovino?" Antonio asked looking over at me.

"It's nothing," I assured him.

"Ah, okay. I trust you," he said and then he smiled at me. I really loved it when he smiled. It made me want to smile, and it made my heart melt. I really just love everything about him. There wasn't a thing I didn't like about him. Well, that was a lie. There way a few things about Antonio I didn't really like. But, I still loved the man.

"We should go inside and find something to do," I said after a while of just floating in the water.

"Okay. What did you have in mind?" Antonio asked me as he got out if the pool and turned to help me.

"I don't know. Maybe we could play a board game or something," I said walking into the house.

"What board game? Oh! Wait, can we play Blackjack?" Antonio asked jumping up and down next to me as we headed up the stairs to my room.

"That's not a board game Antonio," I said looking at him.

"I know that. Can we still play that instead?" he asked.

"I guess we could. But I have to hunt down a deck of cards. What are we going to bet?" I asked as I pulled clean clothes from my dresser.

"Let's make up strip Blackjack!" he then proceeded to yell.

"Strip Blackjack?" I asked looking over to where he was pulling on dry boxers. Well then. Uhh. Oh, right. He's got a nice ass on him.

"And whoever ends up naked first loses!" Antonio finished saying. Crap. I missed everything else there. Shit. Well...I'll figure it out. So I took a quick shower to wash the chlorine off of me, and then got a deck of cards and Antonio and I got snacks and water and set up a little area for us to play strip Blackjack. Is that even an actual thing? I mean, I've heard of strip poker, but strip Blackjack? What the fuck?

"Do you want to be dealer Antonio?" I asked.

"No, I want you to deal. It'll be more fun!" he said with a smile.

"I don't see how, but whatever." I dealt us each two cards, and then the game began. My first hand totaled to eighteen, and Antonio had Blackjack. That bastard. And there goes one of my socks. A few rounds later, Antonio was still fully clothed, and I'm missing everything but my boxers. I think I'm going to lose. More time passed, and then we ended up tied. Both of us were in our boxers, and it looked like...well I really don't know. This game could go either way so.

"No. No more hits for me," Antonio said with a smirk on his face, and lust in his eyes. I could tell he was really waiting to see me naked. Bastard. "What do you have Lovi? I have a grand total of twenty!" Antonio said looking over to me.

"Ha! You lose! Blackjack!" And that's when I showed Antonio my Ace and Queen. He groaned and stood up, and dropped his boxers. Oh. Well. That's...wow. Umm, Antonio is now standing naked as naked can be in my living room, and he was looking at me. I didn't have any words, and my face was really hot, and it was probably red. My eyes trailed up and down his gorgeously tanned body, and then finally settled on his emerald eyes. They were a bit darker than normal, and not as sparkly. I really started getting light headed, and I felt really warm.

"You win Lovino. What's the prize?" Antonio asked me, coming down to my level.

"Antonio?" I asked.

"Yes Lovi?" he asked in return.

"Bésame," I whispered to him, sitting up on my knees and coming even closer to him.

"Alright,"he said. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his lips crashed against mine, and with that, Antonio stole away my first kiss. At first, it was only his lips. Then he trailed his tongue across my bottom lip, and my body reacted on instinct. I shivered in delight, and spread my lips further, so Antonio's tongue could slip in and explore. It wasn't as weird as I thought it was going to be. I really kind of enjoyed it. We continued to kiss until Antonio broke it to breathe. "Lovino?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"What is it?" I asked looking up at him.

"May I do that again?" he asked, a little flushed. I looked up and saw his eyes on me, and I nodded. He came forward and made me fall over, and he kissed me again. And again. And then he stood up, and walked away. I wondered what the hell was going on, and then I thought about all that was said today. I followed him, and he was out back, now wearing his boxers again, looking out to the stars. Evidentially it got dark out, but I was too busy to notice. I went out and stood by Antonio, and waited for him to say something. "I don't want to get too close to you. You tend to run away. Just like after I told you I loved you. How do I know you won't run?" Antonio asked after a while.

"You don't. You don't know I won't run," I said, beginning to feel the tears form in my eyes.

"Lovino. I think it would be best if I went back to Madrid. This stay has been nice, but if you need time, I'll give it to you," he said walking back into the house. He's leaving? What have I done...?

"I really fucked this one up," I said, now crying to myself. I heard my bedroom door close, and decided it was probably best if Antonio went home. I really don't want to cause him anymore pain. He deserves better than me, and he should just move on altogether. I'm just one big mistake. I started crying even harder, and then the bedroom opened again, and Antonio went out the front door. Dammit! I broke down then and there.

* * *

It's been three months since Antonio left. I haven't been eating, I've been really sick. I couldn't do anything. I just pretty much laid in bed all day, and almost all week. Feliciano called and left a message saying he was on his way home. He was probably going to make me do all the stuff I don't want to. Everything reminds me of Antonio. "Lovi?" I heard Feliciano when he came in the front door. I heard he come upstairs and into his room, then he walked to mine and opened the door. "Lovi!" He cried out. He came to the bed, and I watched as his face twisted from cheerful to worrying. "Oh my god, Lovino, what's up? What's wrong fratello?"

"I screwed up Feli. I screwed up big time," I said getting teary eyed again. Feliciano hugged me, and then told me to shower while he made me some food, and then we would talk about what's going on. So I did, because I didn't want Feli to worry about me too much. He made me Chicken Alfredo, and I ate every last bit of it and downed water, juice, and wine.

"So what's up Lovino?" he asked me.

"I couldn't tell Antonio the truth. I ran. Then he left," I said placing my hands on my face.

"What truth fatellone?" Feliciano asked.

"That I love him."

* * *

_**A/N: Hey guys! It might be a while before I upload again. I'm working on getting a new laptop, and I've been using my Ipod lately. SO yeah. But don't give up on me or this story! Oh! Also, don't forget to review! I always love getting them. Util next time!**_

_**-animelover4242564**_


	6. Chapter 6: From Rome to Madrid

"You...you what?" Feliciano asked me, now sitting in a chair beside me.

"I love Antonio, Feli. And I couldn't tell him that. We kissed, and he said he didn't want to get too close, and instead of stopping him, I just cried and let him leave. Feli, I don't know what to do anymore," I said as I got up from the table and walked out of the room.

* * *

It's been a few weeks since I've had any contact with Feliciano. He's been trying to help, but I don't see how anything can help me now. He's in my room right now, going on about how Germany was coming to stay to give him support when dealing with me. And he also said he was going to call 'big brother Spain'. I could really care less right now. "Big brother Spain? It's Feli. I'm going to put you on speaker so I can wipe Lovi's face when I talk to you," he said setting the phone down.

"What's wrong with Lovino?" Antonio asked. I couldn't help but cry a little. It's been forever since I've seen him, or heard his voice.

"He's sick," Feli answered, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

"Why?" Antonio then asked. He actually sounded worried.

"Well, I don't know. He just won't eat, he sleeps all the time, his not eating makes him throw up. He's really dehydrated, and I just don't know how to help him," he said looking at me.

"Ah, I see. I'm on speaker right?" Antonio asked.

"Yes," Feliciano said, and then did his signature 've'.

"Lovi, I'm coming back. I'm actually on my way right now. As soon as I got a call from Feliciano, I knew something was up. I'll be there in an hour. If you haven't eaten anything by then, I AM going to force you to eat. Do you understand?" Antonio said. I nodded, because I can't talk right now. I just gave up on speaking. I didn't need to.

"He says yes big brother Spain," Feliciano said for me.

"Why won't he answer me?" Antonio asked.

"He can't talk. He can barely move at all."

Antonio was silent, and then spoke. "Make that half an hour," he said and then hung up. I could tell that really put him in the I-have-to-hurry-because-I'm-needed sort of mood.

Just like he said, Antonio was here within half an hour. Feliciano went to answer the door, and they came to my room together. I saw Antonio, and he looked absolutely fine. And here I was, sick and pale as can be, because I felt guilty and terrible for making him go through something like that. When Antonio saw me, he actually started crying. Which made me feel even worse. "Lovino," he whispered coming over to me. I lifted a hand, and he took it without a second guess.

"Lovi, you already look a little better!" Feliciano managed to see. I nodded, trying to get him to know I felt a tiny bit better.

"Have you eaten?" Antonio asked, making my attention snap back to him. I shook my head, and Antonio looked at Feliciano. "Will you make him Chicken Alfredo and bring some water, wine, and tomatoes?" he asked my brother. Feliciano nodded, and ran out the door. Antonio turned back to me, and I turned my lifeless gaze back to him. "Why? Why did you make yourself so sick?" he asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and once again, shed a few tears.

"I...I thought...death would be...better than...a life...without...you," I rasped out. My throat was killing me from puking so much, and not talking for that long made it even worse.

"Lovino, if you called, I would have come back. I told you I could never leave you," Antonio said wiping tears off my face.

"B-but...you...did leave," I said, crying harder now.

"Ah, right. I did. But Lovino, I still would've come back if you called," Antonio said, now turning his gaze to the door. "I think I heard Feliciano and Germany out there." And sure enough, both of them walked in the door. Feliciano was carrying a try with stuff in it, and Germany was looking at Feliciano.

"Here you go big brother Spain. Luddy and I are going to go for a walk," he then said.

"Don't...you dare...take him...to...our...favorite spot..." I warned him. He turned back around and looked at me, with a face full of tears.

"I won't Lovi, I promise." He came over and gave me a small hug, then took Germany out of the room. I could hear him start crying, and that sound kind of broke my heart a little. I do faintly recall hearing him say 'I'm so happy he started talking again!' before they walked too far. After that, Antonio held a fork full of pasta to my lips, and I took a bite. He smiled, and kept feeding me until it was gone. He then fed me some tomatoes and gave me water to drink. After I drank all the water, he allowed me to have a glass of wine.

"Lo siento, Lovino. I should've stayed. But, again I ask, why?" Antonio asked as he held on to my hand and squeezed a bit. I don't know what kind if of answer I could give him, other than the fact that it was him that caused me to get this sick.

"Well, I don't know why. You left, I was alone, and I didn't have the ambition to do anything. I felt bad, and I felt like the world was coming to an end. I felt that if you weren't here, it didn't matter," I said, drinking some more water.

"What are you saying Lovino?" Antonio asked me. I motioned for him to come up next to me, and he did. He laid next to me, and he wrapped his arms around my body. I decided now would be a good time to tell him the truth. He did deserve to know after all. That and he already told me, and I really don't want to lose him.

"I'm simply saying I don't want to lose mean too much to me dammit," I said looking up at the ceiling. Antonio looked up at me with a shocked face, and then smiled. He knew exactly what I was trying to say. The sly bastard. He smiled, but then he hesitated to do anything.

"Lovino, are you feeling okay?" he asked. I raised one of my eyebrows at him, and then nodded.

"I feel fine Antonio," I said. Antonio smiled and crawled off the bed then walked out the door. I was confused...like terribly confused. He poked his head around the corner, and came back in.

"I'm just kidding Lovi!" he said walking back over. I glared at him. Then he started whining about my being scary and mean. I told him to go to hell, and he came by me and sat down next to me and looked down at my face. He trailed his fingers across my cheek, and he did nothing but smile the whole time.

"Antonio?" I asked after a little time passed.

"What is it Lovino?" he asked back.

"Can we go for a walk please?" I asked sitting up and moving next to him in the edge of the bed.

"Umm...sure! Here, let me help you change," he said holding a hand out for me to take. "But I think maybe you should take a shower first," Antonio said helping me to my feet. He took me into the bathroom, and undressed me. He looked at my body, and I could see the hesitation in his eyes. He undressed himself too, then pulled me along and started the water and we got in. He washed my body first, and then washed my hair. He hit my curl a couple times, and the third time he hit it, I grew weak in the knees and almost fell. Antonio's arms wrapped around my body, and he pulled me up and close to him. I knew at that moment that Antonio knew what just happened. His eyes grew wide, and he looked down at my crotch. "Lovino? What made that happen?" he asked as I pulled away from him.

"After all this time, you still never figured that out?" I asked, turning to face him again.

"Umm...nope!" he said with a huge smile.

"My curl. It's an erogenous zone," I told him, trying to regain myself.

"You mean you got horny because I accidentally hit that curl?" Antonio asked.

"Yeah. That's exactly what I mean," I told him.

"That's...I don't know what to say about that," he said looking down at my crotch yet again.

"Would you stop that?" I asked/snapped at Antonio. He looked back up at my face and smiled.

"That's a funny way to get horny!" Antonio cheerfully called out.

"Do you have an erogenous zone?" I asked him a couple minutes later. It looked like he thought really hard on the answer to give me. I didn't think he did, but I could be wrong.

"I don't think I do. And if I did, it probably would be my ass. Or neck. Or just simply my dick...but that's normal for every guy," Antonio said, helping me out of the shower.

"Oh. Okay," I said looking away from him.

"Are you disappointed at the answer I gave you?" he asked pulling on my face so I was looking at him.

"No, not really," I said. It was the truth too. I knew he probably didn't have one.

"Okay! Let's go for that walk, shall we?" Antonio asked taking my hand.

"Yeah...sure. Bastard," I said relaxing at his hold on my hand. I never actually told him I loved him, but I think he knows that that is what I was trying to say. I hope I can actually man up and actually he'll him soon though. I think he'd like that.

"Something on your mind Lovino?" I heard Antonio ask. I looked over at him and smiled, shaking my head. His face slightly flushed and he muttered a happy 'okay!' and went back to walking in our comfortable silence. I enjoyed walks with Antonio. It was relaxing, and I enjoyed just having him here and next to me. I glanced over at him, only to find he was already looking at me. It surprised both of us, and Antonio smiled at me.

"A-Antonio?" I asked out.

"Yes Lovino?" he asked me in return.

"Can I come stay in Madrid for a while? Feliciano is moving in with Germany for a while longer, and it's lonely here all by myself," I asked as we came to the shore of the ocean. We had been walking for a good half an hour, and we made it to the ocean.

"Sure! We can eat tomatoes, and dance, and eat more tomatoes, and do lots of other stuff!" Antonio cheerfully yelled out.

"So, we can leave tomorrow? I wanted to go for this walk because those two are leaving tonight," I asked and said.

"Sure. We can leave tomorrow!" Antonio said as he ran and picked up a shell. Only that she'll wasn't empty. It was a hurt baby turtle. It wasn't dead yet, but it was in very bad condition. "Lovino!" Antonio yelled as he headed back in my direction with the turtle.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"It's a baby sea turtle! Can we take it home and help it? Please Lovino? I don't w any it to die!" Antonio yelled. His eyes were full of tears, and some we're spilling out.

"I don't like turtles, but if this makes you happy, then fine. We'll take her home and see what we can do for her," I said now looking closer at the baby turtle in Antonio's hands.

"Thank you Lovi!" Antonio said as he hugged me slightly.

"She may not make the walk back though, and she's to hurt to take your running," I said looking at Antonio.

"How did you know she was a girl Lovino?" Antonio asked as he was examining the turtle. I could tell he was thinking the same thing I had just said, and I could see the hurt in his eyes. I knew he was still going to do everything to try and save it.

"Just a wild guess," I mumbled as we kept walking.

"Ah, okay. She really doesn't look to good," Antonio said looking over at me. We walked a little longer, and then I looked over at the turtle in Antonio's hands. I could tell she was a fighter. She was holding on. We managed to walk home, and Antonio rushed inside and to the kitchen. He set the turtle on the counter and got some paper towels and water. He started cleaning all the blood off the turtle, and the turtle was starting to look better. The cuts were in her flippers, and they weren't as bad as I thought they were. Antonio but ointment and bandages on the cuts and then he asked if I had anything we could feed her. I got a few tomatoes and cut them up and some lettuce. She enjoyed her food, but she was really weak and barely ate anything.

"Antonio," I called out to him.

"Please don't say it. I already know," he said turning around to face me. The turtle was alive for another twenty minutes, and then she died. I had to give her a funeral, and then Antonio looked heartbroken. I felt bad.

"Antonio? You can cry if you want to," I said scooting a little closer to him.

"Thank you Lovino. For everything," he said hugging me. It took a little bit, but he did start crying. I knew he loved turtles, and he just watched one die.

"You're such a big baby," I said smiling and chuckling a bit. Antonio looked at me, and he smiled too. I knew he felt offended by that comment, but he smiled because of my smile. You see, I barely smile. So when I do, the people around me also smile. It was different...smiling around Antonio I mean. I only smile around him and sometimes around Feliciano too.

"Ah, I know that Lovino!" he said laughing too. We want back inside, and we decided to get some sleep for the trip we would be making tomorrow. I actually packed, and when I was done I joined Antonio in my bed. He looked like he was sleeping, so I was quiet and tried to get in without disturbing him. As soon as I was in my bed, Antonio grabbed my side and turned me so I would face him. He scared the hell out of me, and I hit him a couple times to make him pay for it. He just laughed, and I got over my anger fast. He smiled at me, then pulled me closer to him. He rested his forehead on mine, and I sighed in comfort.

"You comfortable yet?" I asked him, feeling the small smile I had on my face. He smiled wider, and shook his head. I was confused for a little bit, and then I felt Antonio grab my hand. He smiled, and I could tell he wanted to say something.

"You're already looking and feeling so much better. I still can't believe you were stupid enough to almost kill yourself," Antonio said with a sad smile.

"Look, I'm sorry okay?" I said sitting up and turning away from him again.

"Lovino, it's okay," Antonio said sitting up behind me.

"No it's not, Antonio! I really thought I had lost you, even though I was the one dying. I just didn't care what happened to me. I thought you were fine without me. I thought it would be easy for you to get by without me. I thought that if I couldn't have you, than I would be better off dead," I said crying now. Antonio's arms came around me, and shushing me.

"Lovino. I shouldn't have left. I realized after I did, that you were probably in the same pain I was in. I made a mistake leaving you like that. I shouldn't have decided that that was what was best for the both of us. I knew somewhere in this brain of mine that you might have come around eventually, if I had worked at getting you to warm up to me. In the long run, I hurt us both worse than we needed to be hurt," Antonio said leaning on my shoulder and slightly tightening his grip on me.

"You know, you can be really smart when you want to be. You even tend to say the right things. Why can't you do that all the time?" I asked, turning to face him slightly.

"Yes, I do know that Lovino. And I can't do that all the time because it gives me headaches," Antonio said looking up at me and smiling. I laughed at him, and I Leaned back onto him slightly.

"You truly are an idiota," I said turning my head to look at his eyes.

"Only about ninety-five percent of the time," Antonio said pulling me back to my side of the bed. He layed down next to me, and smiled a really goofy smile at me. I looked at him, and something in me stirred, and I felt like I wanted to kiss him. It's been a while since we've kissed, and I missed the feeling I got from it. I just really wanted to kiss him right now. But I don't know if I can. Well, I could, but I don't think it would be right to kiss him right now. Antonio moved again, so our foreheads were touching again. He then grabbed my hand again, and we layed there for a while. Our breathing swallowed, and I could tell we were falling asleep. But, I didn't want to fall asleep just yet. I'm going to do it.

"Antonio," I whispered to him.

"Hmm?" he said back to me. I looked at him, and he was looking at me, so I knew he wasn't about to fall asleep just yet. I moved a little, and I connected our lips together, and I kissed him. I caught him off guard, and then he started kissing me back. Before he could do anything with his tongue, I pulled away from him and settled back into my spot on the bed. I heard him laugh quietly, and then he too settled back into his place. "Te amo, Lovino," he whispered to me.

"Yeah, I know bastard," I whispered back to him. He chuckled again, and then moved so I was wrapped in his arms.

"Please don't wait too much longer to say it out loud Lovino," he said as we shifted and got more comfortable before relaxing again.

"I'll try not to. No promises though," I said closing my eyes.

"Of course not," Antonio said. After that, we both fell asleep. Morning came faster than I wanted, but it was also a good thing. I could finally leave this house and go to Madrid with Antonio. So I got up and showered, then headed to the kitchen to make him and I some food. I made breakfast and some snacky things we could eat on the way. Speaking of the trip from here to Madrid, it takes anywhere from twenty-two to twenty-seven hours, so I kind of wanted to know how Antonio got here in half an hour yesterday. You know what, I don't think I want to know.

"Hey wake up bastard. It's time to eat and get ready to leave," I said shaking Antonio awake. He mumbled something, and I didn't quite catch it. "Despierta mi bastardo tomate estúpido," I said next. Okay, when Antonio left, I decided I had the ambition to learn Spanish. So yes, I did just speak it.

"Wait, what?" Antonio asked sitting up with a shocked look on his face.

"You didn't even catch what I said, and it's your own language?" I asked him.

"No, I heard what you said. I just was surprised. You just spoke Spanish Lovino. You've always hated Spanish," he said.

"People change," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "Anyway, you should shower and get dressed so we can leave for Madrid."

"Alright Lovino," Antonio said getting out of the bed.

"Breakfast is ready when you are," I said leaving my room. I headed downstairs, and I went to eat my portion of what I made. I was sitting there alone for at least ten minutes when Antonio finally joined me. I sat there drinking coffee while he ate, because I'm a nice person like that.

"Debería hacerme el honor de hablar más español que me rodea," he said as he ate his food.

"And why exactly should I do that? A mí me gusta hablar en italiano," I started, "quindi mi terrò a parlare italiano."

"No fair! I can't speak Italian!" Antonio whined.

"That's my point. Maybe we should just stick with English then," I said standing up. I washed the dishes from everything, and then I went and got my stuff, and then Antonio and I left for Madrid, Spain. Back to his house.

Nothing really happened for the day drive it took us to get there. Once we were there though, I was happy to be back. The first stop I made, was Antonio's garden. How he managed to keep it all well taken care of, I will never know. I grabbed a couple tomatoes and washed them off with the hose and handed one to Antonio. "First stop tomatoes, huh?" Antonio asked chuckling slightly.

"No shit," I said walking toward the house. I waited for Antonio to catch up, and then he unlocked the front door and we went inside. I was lateish, and we were both really tired so we headed straight for Antonio's bedroom. We got ready for bed, and then we laid down next to each other and got some much needed sleep.

* * *

**_A/N: Hey guys! How has everyone been? I got my new laptop! I've just been procrastinating...so that's why this chapter is just now going up. I'm really sorry about that! I want to hear from you guys! So please review! Your reviews help me make sure this story isn't getting stupid. I want to make sure that everyone is pleased and happy about the way I write. It doesn't take that long to leave a review. Unless you really have to think about what to say...but anyway, reviews give me the ambition to work faster on the next chapter. I'm sorry for this rant by the way...I normally don't do that..._**

**_-animelover4242564_**


	7. Chapter 7: Finally

I woke up before Antonio somehow the next morning. Normally he's up first, but whatever. I guess I did this the other day too. I normally slept until the afternoon hours, but now, I just didn't know what was going on. But nonetheless, I got up and showered then headed down to the kitchen. The kitchen...ugg. It was a mess. There was dirty dishes everywhere and empty beer, wine, liquor, and vodka bottles were strung throughout that mess. And I thought I was killing myself. There was enough alcoholic beverage bottles to kill at least three humans due to alcohol poisoning. Anyway, I decided I would clean the mess up. It took an hour to do everything, EXCEPT the dishes. That was another hour there.

By the time I was done cleaning, I really wasn't in the mood to make any breakfast, so I ended up back upstairs sleeping. I slept for an hour, and then Antonio woke me up and gave me breakfast in bed. "I felt bad for the mess you cleaned up, so I decided to do something for you. I'm sorry you had to see that Lovino," Antonio said as he poured a cup of coffee for himself.

"You could have died too dumbass,"I said in between small bites of buttered toast.

Antonio laughed slightly. "Ah, I know Lovino. I'm sorry."

I sighed and looked over at him. His face showed a fake happiness, hiding the pain his heart felt. Living and knowing Antonio for as long as I have, I've come to be able to tell that much. "Hey, look at me," I said shifting a little. Antonio turned his face to me, and he kept smiling. "You don't have to hide anything from me," I said shooting pleading glances at him.

"I'm not hiding any-" Antonio started. But I had to interrupt him.

"I'm not an idiot Antonio," I said sternly. He looked over at me, and dropped the fake smile on his face, and I could see the tears form in his eyes. He came over by me and hugged me tightly. He was crying softly, and I felt a little guilty for it. "I'm sorry, for everything Antonio," I whispered to him.

"Don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry. I left after saying I wouldn't. I told you I loved you when you weren't ready to hear it-"

"Stop. Stop right there. I just can't say it, that's all. I'm not ready to say it. That doesn't mean I wasn't ready to hear it. That doesn't mean I didn't want to hear it," I said hanging my head slightly. I bit my lip, out of habit, I guess. That was the truth. I wanted Antonio to tell me he loved me. I just couldn't tell him yet.

"So, you wanted me to tell you I loved you?" Antonio asked. I nodded my head and was brave enough to look up at him. He was smiling, a true smile this time around. I could practically see his heart jumping out of his chest. I could faintly hear it too. He was happy, and that's all that mattered. I hated seeing him upset over anything. "Lovino, I'm honored that of all the people you know, I could be the one you wanted to hear 'te amo' from. Please, for me, don't wait too much longer to tell me 'ti amo' because I want to be the person to hear that from you," Antonio said coming close to me. He put his forehead against mine, and his calm eyes pleaded with my nervous ones. "Will you promise me this, this time?" he asked coming a little closer.

"I will. I promise I won't make you wait too much longer Antonio," I said in a quiet whisper. I looked into his eyes, and I wanted so badly for his lips to touch mine. "Kiss me, per favore," I said moving so my face was turned up a bit more.

"Alright Lovino," Antonio said. And sure enough, his lips met mine, and he kissed me softly. It lasted for a while, and then he broke it and said I should eat before it gets cold. So I did. And it was really good. I had almost forgotten how good of a cook Antonio was. When I was done, Antonio took my dishes and told me to shower and get dressed, so I did. When I got out, I found him out among his many tomato plants. It looked like he was watering them, and I loved the way the sun came down and hit his person. The way it reflected off of his features was amazing. He turned to where I was standing, and waved excitedly to me. I just smiled and looked away from him, and then he called my name, so I looked back in his direction and he motioned me out by him.

"What's up?" I asked him after I was close to him.

"Not much. They just really needed to be watered," Antonio said bending over again.

"So, is there anything you want to do today?" I asked, not sure of what kind of answer he would give me. And distracting myself from the distracting view.

"I just really want to do nothing all day," Antonio said looking up at me. I smiled, I mean scowled...

"Alright, I'll go do nothing while waiting for you then," I said as I turned to walk away. Antonio grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving.

"Will you make some popcorn? Oh, and choose a few movies to watch?" Antonio asked.

"Sure," I said releasing myself from his hold. So I went back into the house and went over to the movie case. I chose musicals, because well why the hell not? After I got those out, I started making popcorn.

"Ah! Lovi! It smells delicious in here!" Antonio called when he finally came in.

"No shit," I said back. He wandered into the kitchen and stole a couple pieces of the popcorn. I slapped his hand, but he still ate them. I slapped him again, but this time I slapped his face. It was a light tap, so don't be freaking out on me silently in your head. "You can wait. Go shower and clean up," I told him as I took the popcorn and wine to the living room. Ten minutes passed and Antonio still wasn't downstairs. So I just went to hunt him down. "Antonio?" I called out once I entered his room.

"I'm in the bathroom," he called back to me.

"Are you taking a bath? You know, you're the one who wanted to watch movies in the first place," I said getting closer to the door.

"I know. But a bath sounded really lovely!" he cheerfully called to me.

"Did it now?" I asked loosing my interest fast.

"Do you want to know what would make this bath better?" Antonio suddenly blurted.

"What?" I asked, not really caring.

"You. And a nice glass of wine," he said. I lost my ability to speak, and I kind of stood there like an idiot. Maybe I should be nice this one time. So I decided to be. I went downstairs and grabbed the wine I had already poured and the bottle out of the kitchen. I made my way back upstairs and to the bathroom in Antonio's bedroom. I tapped once and let myself in.

"Here," I said handing him his glass.

"I don't suppose you would care to join me in the water, would you?" he asked, smirking my way.

"No way in hell." That was all I could say at the time. He looked away, and took a sip of his wine. I watched him, and then I decided to make myself at home, so I sat on the floor and leaned up against the door. Antonio was looking at me when I sat up, and my gaze met his. He smiled a simple smile, and I snorted and turned away. He chuckled softly, and I could feel the pesky grin tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"The water is really nice Lovino. Get in," Antonio finally said after many moments of silence.

"No," I said in return.

"I'm not asking. I'm telling," he said finishing off his first glass of wine. I decided to do what he wanted because I didn't want to hurt him. I stood up and started striping, only to gain a lustful look and a flushed face from Antonio. Once I was naked, I gracefully slid into the water. Which did feel nice, by the way.

"There. Are you happy? I'm in," I said grabbing the bottle of wine and pouring more for both if us.

"Very!" Antonio replied.

"Bastard," I mumbled. Antonio heard me though, and tickled my foot. I'm very ticklish almost everywhere, so I ended up squeaking and sounding like a freaking girl. Antonio laughed at me. He was so going to get it. Just as soon as I thought of something to do to him.

"Lovino?" he asked, sounding a little worried.

"What is it?" I asked him, looking up after I did so. He was crying. Why the fuck was he crying?! "Hey, why are you crying?" I asked, my voice, tone, and mood all becoming softer. I leaned forward to wipe his tears off his cheeks, but he pulled away.

"Don't touch me! I don't deserve your kindness!" he said crying a little harder.

"What?" I asked. To be honest, I was a little confused. I guess anyone would be.

"I don't deserve you. I beat you Lovino. I caused you a lot of pain. You don't deserve it. That should've never happened but I made it that way. Your back-"

"Is that what this is about? You saw my back again? Antonio. Don't think for a second you don't deserve me. If anything, I don't deserve you. You took me in as an underling, you cared for me, you gave me a home, food, love, care. Sure there was a time when you used to beat me, but Antonio, you were the first person who cared for me and only me. Sure, you drooled over Feliciano a couple of times, but you still chose me over him. No one has ever done that," I said, finally able to wipe the tears from his face.

"Oh Lovi," he said, suddenly grabbing my waist and pulling me to him. He was still crying pretty hard, and all I could do was pet his head and whisper softly to him. He calmed down after a while, and we got out because the water had turned cold in that time. Antonio was emotionally wiped out, and so we went down and just cuddled on the couch. He needed this. We finally started watching the musicals I had taken out earlier and I ran up and grabbed us a blanket.

"Are you comfy?" I asked Antonio once we settled down onto the couch.

"Yeah," he said rubbing a hand up and down on my side.

"Antonio?" I asked a few minutes later.

"Yes Lovino?" he asked back.

"Thank you," I said softly.

Antonio chuckled at my comment. "For what?"

"For everything. You didn't have to deal with me, but you did anyway. You still do," I said looking up at him.

"And you have dealt with me and still do as well. Lovino, I should be thanking you," he said placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Well, then I guess we're just two people who are thankful for the presence of each other," I said settling back onto Antonio. We watched a couple of the musicals, and toward the end of the third one, Antonio was asleep. I smiled, just for the hell of it, and got up and covered him up with the blanket. I then walked to the kitchen and made us lunch, then ate mine, did the dishes, checked on Antonio, wrote him a note, and went to the balcony. I was out there for a while, and then Antonio's arms suddenly wrapped around me. I jumped slightly and then turned to him. He smiled, and I turned back the other way.

"Thanks for lunch," he whispered into my ear.

"You're welcome," I said just as softly.

"You should come with me back into the house. It's chilly out here. I don't want you to get sick again," he said pulling on me slightly.

"You worry too much," I said turning to him again. He laughed and started pulling me back into the house. We went back to the living room, and Antonio pulled me onto the couch with him. He sighed happily, and I couldn't help but relax into the feeling of his body and his touch. I then remembered his mini freak out, and I couldn't help but be a little confused by it. I thought he was over that already. It never used to bother him…

"Lovino?" Antonio asked out, causing me to jump slightly.

"W-What is it?" I stuttered.

"I have scars too. I don't know why, but I felt like telling you that, and it seems like you've never noticed," Antonio said moving slightly. I looked up/over at him, and he smiled softly at me. I got on my knees, and scooted closer to him.

"Where?" I asked, trying to think about how these scars of his would look.

"Well, all over really. A few here and there on my legs and arms, but mostly my torso," he said looking away from me. I leaned forward and grabbed one of his hands and pulled it to me, examining his arm. I did the same with the other one, and then I sat back a bit. I grabbed the hem of Antonio's shirt and started pulling it up and off of him. He sat up and lifted his arms, helping me to remove it. He leaned back again, and that was the first time I saw Antonio's battle scars…

Seriously though, how did I never notice these? They looked a lot like mine, but his looked like the wound hurt a lot more. I brushed my fingertips acrossed a few of them, and I noticed the slight shiver Antonio gave each time. I found it funny that the littlest of things catch my attention, but a man with a whole lot of scars doesn't. I'm kind of oblivious that way, I guess. I was totally mesmerised by this man's scars, that I didn't notice the tears falling down my face. It wasn't until Antonio's warm hands caressed my cheeks that I noticed. "Don't cry for me Lovino. There's no need to," he whispered to me.

"I can't even imagine the pain you must have been in. And I was too dense to even notice. You probably had some of these wounds back when I was younger. You cried for both of us earlier. Now it's my turn, dammit!" I said, crying a little harder by now.

"Lovino, go ahead. I guess you and I both really need this," Antonio said pulling me into his chest. He rubbed slow, calming circles into my back, and I slowly started calming down. "Feeling better now Lovi?" Antonio asked. I glanced in his direction, and for once he wasn't smiling. I need to fix that. I reached up and brushed the back of my hand across his face. He leaned into my touch, and still didn't smile. I tried, I guess. But it was weird.

"Y-Yes, I'm better now," I whispered. Now Antonio decided to freaking smile.

"That's good,"he said back. Antonio glanced over at the clock, and he mumbled something to himself. He looked back at me, and I just stared back. "It's suppertime. How about we just go out tonight?" Antonio suggested.

"No. I really don't want to leave the house. And I'm not really that hungry," I said looking back at him.

"How about I make us tomato soup then?" Oh. My. God. Really? I loved Antonio's tomato soup. When ever I was sick, he always made it for me. God, I just really love him.

Wait...what?

"Uh..sure," I said, still reeling over what I said in my head. Thank god I didn't say that out loud.

"Lovi? Are you okay? You just got really pale. You're not sick are you? You're not catching a cold right?" Antonio pressed his forehead to mine, and sighed contently and relieved. "Nope, not sick," he said pulling back with a smile.

"I just...go make the soup dammit!" I snapped at him.

"Okay!"he said with a smile, chuckle, and a ruffle of my hair. He left the living room, and I shoved my face into a pillow. I mentally slapped myself, and I couldn't help but actually smile to myself. I knew it now. I d-don't think I'm afraid anymore. I-I think, I can tell him. Tell him t-that I l-love him…

"It's been twenty minutes. Is it done yet?" I asked Antonio coming into the kitchen. He looked over at me, and I saw the happy smile on his face.

"Yeah, it's done," he said walking over by me and taking my hands in his.

"A-Antonio?" I asked, freaking out a little. That all melted away though. It melted away when Antonio kissed me. If I died then, I would regret it, but I'd be happy.

"Let's eat, shall we?" he asked after breaking the kiss.

"Alright," I said following him. We ate, and then decided that our suppertime should be changed. It was like, nine now, and we decided to head off to bed. Antonio dragged me through the house, and up to his room. We changed and crawled into bed together.

"Lovino?" Antonio asked after we had been laying there for a while. I turned my head to the sound of his voice, and I could faintly see his face. The moon wasn't very bright, and it didn't shed too much light in Antonio's room.

"Yeah?"I asked back.

"W-Will you hold me?" he asked. He stuttered too. I didn't know what was going on, but it was weird. Antonio never stuttered. I was really worried.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around him and started petting his hair.

"No," he said. Well, that was a very straight forward answer. I held onto him tighter, and scooted a little closer.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly. Antonio shifted a little, and then I could tell he was looking at me. I could also see a slight glint to his dark eyes. "Don't cry anymore, carissima," I whispered to him.

"I'm just...I don't know how much longer I can wait for you to tell me. It feels like I'm in a one-sided relationship here," Antonio said burying his head in my chest.

"I'm sorry. I don't want you to wait too much longer to hear it either," I told him. I may or may not have added a kiss to the top of his head as well.

"I just love you so much Lovino. I don't know what I would do without you. Well, I guess we both know what might have happened," Antonio stated. I couldn't say anything to that, because I just don't want to think about it.

"I know, Antonio. Trust me, I do know. And I'm working hard on being able to tell you. I promise. It will be soon," I said kissing the top of his head again.

"Lovino." I almost didn't catch my name rolling off of his tongue. He lifted his head again, and kissed me. I really loved it when Antonio kissed me. It made me warm, happy, and it gave me a sense of safeness. That's how I felt around him...safe. Antonio moved, and was suddenly straddling my stomach. He kissed me over and over again, making me dizzy. He grabbed the hem of my shirt and tugged it up with one hand, while his other hand toyed with one of my nipples. I shuddered at the feeling, and I finished pulling my shirt off. Antonio's other hand went to my other nipple, and the one hand was replaced with his mouth.

He switched sides, and when he felt like he did enough teasing, he kissed his way up the short area of chest to my collarbone and along one side of my neck. He stopped kissing when he reached my ear, and whispered to me. "Let me make love to you." I felt as he started nibbling on my earlobe, and then kissed back down my neck and bit my throat.

I let out some sort of gasp when his teeth grazed my neck, and he licked it in apology. He kissed up the other side of my neck and then my lips once again. I never fought to be dominate on this, because, well, I didn't want to be. The way Antonio was making me feel kind of drove me crazy, and I wanted him to finish what he started. He broke the kiss when we needed air. Turns out, the moon was actually full tonight. It was just covered by clouds. By this time, I could see Antonio's face, and I could see the lust in his eyes, and the love as well. This man truly loved me.

I reached up and pulled Antonio's shirt off his body, and fell back against the pillows. Antonio smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. I saw the blush break out in Antonio's cheeks, and I smiled a little wider. He leaned in and kissed me again, moving so his hips were above mine. He gently grinded into me, and I couldn't stop the loud moan that escaped my lips. Delighted by this, Antonio did it again and again, causing me to get louder and louder. Eventually, Antonio rid me of all my clothing, and was kissing every square inch of my skin he could reach. I laughed here and there, and Antonio looked at me sweetly. I hardly ever laughed, and so when I did, it always surprised him. He grew anxious after a while, and he grabbed a hold of my erection and gave it a couple tugs. I growled and rolled my hips a bit, and I looked at Antonio. His face drew closer to mine and he kissed me again. He broke it and looked at my eyes and face, then came to my ear. "Please say you'll let me make love to you." I reached between us and started stripping Antonio of his bothersome clothes.

I settled back down against the pillows, and I looked up at Antonio. I nodded, and he moved so he was between my legs, and slung one over his shoulder. He brought his hand to my face, and I knew what he wanted. I took his three fingers in my mouth, and I coated them with my saliva by licking and sucking on them. Antonio took them out, and I could feel as he slid finger number one into my entrance. I squirmed a bit, and Antonio pushed a second finger in. He moved them around, and scissored, stretching me out. He slid a third finger in, and this time, he waited for me, and when he heard the whimpers coming from me, he started moving.

His movements were slow at first, and then he sped up, and I could tell he was trying to find that one spot deep within me. He hit it, and I shivered violently, and he brushed it a couple more times while lathering his erection with lube. I whined when Antonio slid his fingers out, but then I felt as hot as ever when he pushed the head of his dick into my entrance. He waited for me to get used to him, and he pushed in more. I couldn't take his slow movements,so I bucked and rolled my hips a little, causing Antonio to laugh. He thrusted into me, and then started going faster and faster.

After ramming himself into my prostate over and over again, I screamed his name in ecstasy and then grunted and growled as I came onto Antonio's chest and my stomach. A few hard slaps of skin-on-skin later, Antonio grunted as he released into me. We stayed in the same position for a while, and then Antonio slowly pulled out of me and laid himself back in his spot on the bed. I moved so that I was against his body and one of my arms was over his chest. his arms wrapped around me, and we both were still catching our breath. "Well...wasn't that something?" Antonio asked a while later.

"I'm going to be so sore tomorrow it's not even funny," I grumbled.

"Ah, I'm sorry about that," he said kissing my forehead.

"It's okay. It was totally worth it," I said pulling the blankets further up our bodies.

"Ah, always so blunt," Antonio laughed.

"That's me for you," I said kissing him.

"I was aware of that. Anyway, good night Lovino," Antonio said.

"Good night," I started, "ti amo."

* * *

**_(A/N: I really am sorry about this chapter. Not only has it been almost a month since the last one was put up, but I have a feeling this chapter is very...well, stupid. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. It's always nice to hear what people thought of the chapter...*hint hint*...just so you know. That's all for now, I think. I hope to hear from everyone!)_**

**_-animelover4242564_**


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